My boyfriend and I went shopping at the mall about 2 months ago where I ran into a new parent of a deaf child. She was employed at Gap store as she cashed out my purchase. She had noticed my boyfriend and I signing to each other so she asked me (via my boyfriend) how long I have known sign language. I found the question awkward but I replied that I am deaf so I have known it for a long time. She then explained that she has a hearing impaired son who is 9 months (at the time of the encounter). The cashier had asked us a lot questions regarding deafness, schools, sign language, etc. which I eventually picked up the vibe that she is VERY nervous about being a new parent of a deaf child.
It took me back to the memory that I had of asking my parents about their reaction to me being deaf. As a child or teen, I asked my parents how they felt when they found out that I was deaf. They had replied that they had mixed emotions such as shock, scared, even devastated. I was surprised by that answer, I didn't understand at the time why it sounded like a tragedy to have a deaf child. To me, that's like parents being devastated that the blonde hair child they have always wanted turned out to be a brown hair child. Being deaf was already the norm for me, I didn't see anything different about it.
Meeting the new parent of a deaf child immediately gave me that flashback. I had finally understood now. I saw the fear, worry, and concern in her eyes as she was talking about her son. She had no idea what to do with him regarding school, hearing aids, cochlear implants, etc. It was difficult maintaining a straight face when I wanted to cry with her. I realized that she had a huge burden on her shoulder to decide the identity of her deaf child for next 18 years (or teen years).
I have blogged about many identities that exist in the deaf world. How do new parents know what their deaf child want their identity to be? My parents didn't know what I would want to be at the age of 18 when I was a baby, but they had to make that decision of what I should have in life. It is never too late to change identity as I have seen many students at RIT that changed their identities once they got to college. Some deaf people have grew up with major confusion through out their lives as of what their identities are. I wasn't aware of identity until college, so through out my life I didn't stress about what identity I should be until I came to RIT. I had a long time of conflicting feelings about my identity during my college years, even considered cochlear implants for a long time. In my last year of college, I have accepted the identity that I originally grew up with with much more comfortableness of the deafness. I cannot imagine being in the shoes of a new parent to decide what identity to give their deaf child.
Growing up deaf is already the norm for me, but it never had occur to me about the burdens of some decisions in lives. If I give birth to a deaf child, obviously I will be prepared as I am deaf, right? Nope. I may like the identity that I have, but it doesn't mean if I give that identity to my deaf child that they will like it too. A deaf parent also have that burden of deciding what identity. In a way, I would be more prepared to raise a deaf child than hearing parents as I know what life is like as a deaf person. I can help them with exploring their identity through out their life, exposing them to deaf world, and being able to understand them on the same level when hearing parents may have never been aware of deaf world in the first place. My parents never been exposed to deaf world or deaf people before I was born. I am already exposed to deaf world so I know what it is like for my deaf child but my parents and I would have one thing in common, which is deciding that identity.
It can be a HUGE and very DIFFICULT process in making the decision. I am very proud of my parents for what they have decided for me before I had a voice. I am proud of who I am. I love me for who I am. I wouldn't be the person I am today without my parents (as well many other people in my life). Thank you, Mom & Dad.
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