Excerpt from 9.8.2010 blog:
"I am officially done with my first days of classes for my undergrad college years ever. It's an awesome feeling. Even better when I will be at that point when I'm 5 weeks away from graduation in May."
Oh boy. How could I have wrote that? In the past month, it honestly have been the most stressful time ever. Many decisions that I have to make in a short time. I was stressing so much over post graduation plans. Realizing that I'm spending most of the time stressing isn't worth it to end the year. I cannot say how much stressful senior year is compared to freshman year. Senior year is the worst stress wise. I do feel excited for graduation but at same time I've been very afraid what the future will bring me. I feel like I am going in the world blind without experiences I didn't get to experience.
I am struggling with post graduation plans, whether to find a job or attend graduate school or law school. Decisions that may cost me money. I can't find everything that I have strong passion for (job) at the same graduate school/law school. I don't want to apply to these schools because it cost me money and what if I change my mind after graduation? That master's degree would be wasted. Yet, at same time I just want to start working - no more school! However, I'm not sure how more challenge I would have to face with my deafness in finding jobs than it would be if I had a master's degree?
Of course, most of my fears has to do with my deafness. I am afraid that I won't be able to find a good quality job because some people will be ignorant and not hire me. Will I experience that again like I did in high school? I applied to 33 places in beginning of my senior year of high school and NO call-backs at all. I went to all of those places in person and had met most of managers/supervisors then, so I can't help to think it's just weird that I just didn't get a callback (My e-mail address was on the resume so it's not like they could use the excuse of "well how do I call a deaf person?"!).
I also still am analyzing what I want to do with my future career/job. I have too many passion within the criminal justice system. I still feel the most passion with the corrections system, but I feel that I do not know enough about what's available in the system as of jobs. It's difficult to find employees of D.O.C. that aren't biased. It's sad because I have so many D.O.C. employees that I know in upstate NY & especially living near two maximum security correctional facilities. It's still difficult to approach those because they're all either a relative or friend of mine which they'll all try to turn me away from D.O.C. which doesn't help me in any ways.
Meanwhile, I am still holding on my old dream of helping deaf individuals like myself growing up in an isolated community without any or few deaf people. I was only one my age when I grew up in my area and it was difficult to rely on anyone that could fully understand me. I also needed that inspiration of seeing that deaf people could be successful because some hearing people in the area had doubts about my ability. Some people didn't believe that I would make it far in life, so it was difficult to have that bury on me without help from fellow deaf members who had succeed in life.
Coming to RIT allowed me to see the abilities of deaf people in our world - I still get amazed even through at this point I have heard many many many success stories. I still am amazed. I want to be one of those people. Recently a group of deaf kids ranging in age of 8-14 from Upstate NY region near my hometown came to RIT for science fair. I had met up with them since I knew one deaf kid (in the group) which I adore! The teacher who had brought them up to RIT had told me that they were shocked to find out that there were deaf kids their age near by, in which many new friendships had developed. I was thinking in my head the whole time how jealous I was of them. I may knew some deaf people that were near or exactly my age during my childhood but they never were in my hometown long enough since many went away to deaf institutes after elementary school.
I still have the passion to help the deaf individuals who are isolated from the deaf community because I wanted that for myself. It's difficult to decide which path to take because I have such a strong passion for helping fellow deaf individuals and the criminal justice system.
I'm glad I have some time left... I am walking in the commencement for graduation in two weeks but I am not completed with the course requirements in which I will be completing in 2011-2012. I also have the summer of relaxation which will hopefully give me better ideas of what I want to do with my life.
