In the deaf community, there are many deaf identities for people to label themselves with. I just only learned about these identities in my 3rd year of college. I had finally started my concentration/minor which was Deaf Cultural Studies. I took a course in Spring 2009 called "Diversity in Deaf Community". I was one of the very first (lucky) student to enroll in that new course.
Going in that course with expectations of learning about deaf cultures only brought me even more information about the deaf community that I hadn't been aware of before. The whole quarter that I was in that course, I often found myself analyzing my identity and my role with the deaf community.
Many of identities had varied from being very involved in the deaf community, being comfortable with being deaf, in the middle of both hearing and deaf world, "hearing" - deaf (oral), etc. There was so many identities which shocked me and even raised that question of which one am I? It was overwhelming to learn about identities and more aspects of the deaf community that it again drove me away for a while. I reconsidered minoring in deaf cultural studies, thinking that I'd like to minor in politics. I didn't want to be surrounded by deaf people in that course because I felt like I was alone. Many of deaf people in there had comfortably called out answers and express their opinions in sign language to our deaf professor. I was the quiet student that never called out in ANY courses.
I felt uncomfortable because I felt like many deaf students around me in that class had been comfortable with being deaf. I wasn't sure what I liked about it and what I did like about it. All of my life I never really knew where I belonged. I grew up in hearing world thinking I belonged to deaf world only to come to Rochester in first year of college to completely avoid deaf world. To this day, I only have very few deaf friends. I do like hanging with them the most because of effective communicating and same understanding of our experiences. I don't understand why I wasn't involved in the deaf world in all years of my college only to want to be involved now after my graduation. I feel that one main reason of it had to do with fear.
This summer (2011), I bumped in three older deaf women in Westport, CT during arts & craft festival. I was surprised to see them in Westport because Westport had been a very small town. I worked up the courage to talk to them to find out about them. I immediately approached them asking "you deaf?". They all said "yes" and we got to introducing ourselves with names and where we resided. We chatted for a good hour about our life as deaf women. I shared the confusion and frustration I faced all of my life about deaf community and still experiencing a bit of it currently.
I was appealed to find that one of them had experienced the same. I had spoke about the deaf identities with them, asking if they knew what they were. Their response were "I tell people that I'm DEAF. Period." to avoid further self-confused feelings of their identity. One woman had said that she did not officially know what she was until her late 30's around age of 35. I was appealed at that. I couldn't believe that. It's been a long time of confusion, frustration, mixture of feeling, etc. with my role/identity in deaf community, so to imagine having that until the age of 35 just was too overwhelming. I definitely was feeling better to know that I wasn't the only one experiencing that feeling.
Do I have an official deaf identity? I'm quite not sure yet, but I do have to admit that I have been getting more, more, and more comfortable with myself being deaf lately. When before I wouldn't admit to strangers that I had been deaf until it was critical to now comfortably inform people that I am deaf. I felt like I had been hiding myself all of these years with feeling shame of my deafness. To my surprise, with coming out with my deafness to people - I have been surprised by some people and it had made me wonder if I missed this all of those years.
What surprises? When I go to the stores or places, I am often faced with hearing employees who would often sign "thank you" or simple word to me. One time I went to Krispy Kreme at Mohegan Sun Casino, the female cashier had signed the whole conversation in ASL. I had began to wonder if I had missed all of this by overlooking it and hiding who I was. I do feel that there is more deaf awareness now lately with Marlee Martin's role on The Apprentice TV show & Dancing with Stars and the newest TV show on ABC Family called Switched at Birth. The deafness have started to be out in the open where million of people are seeing or hearing about it. I am very thrilled about that & am hoping for continue awareness of deaf for the future.
With feeling more comfortable to express that I am deaf, I still am not passion about being deaf. I do not sign often in the public as I am shy to have people stare at me. Once in while I do would want to show off sign language. It all depends on what I'm feeling like at the moment about myself. I do not let the difficulties in public get to me as much as it used to. I would go off bad-talking about rude people or something that hearing people did to me when now I just ignore it. I just would walk away from these kind situations when before I would let people make me feel lower than dirt for being deaf.
It also motivates me when I see other deaf people in Rochester (and anywhere else) that are comfortable with who they are & seeing how happy they are among themselves. I see them every where signing insanely with passion, don't care if anyone's watching them, ignore those rude people, etc. They just seem to be careless about what's going on around them. I hope to experience that some day.
I also hope some day I'll be able to pin point my deaf identity.
25.7.11
22.7.11
Interviews
Hello readers. I was MIA for the whole month of June. I apologize. I have moved out to the state of Connecticut only for the summer. I had to explore what the area had to offer. I've definitely learned a lot about the area and more about what I want for my future.
I thought about the interviews I had back in May in Western NYS. I've never had an official interview ever in my whole life, so I was quite nervous because it's the time where I'll be facing quite several of interviews with my new chapter in life. Last May, I was lucky to line up two interviews in one day (maybe it was a bad idea?) with two places to start working in the fall.
First place had been a non profit organization focused on advocating for deaf victims. Let me tell you, my first impression about the organization was that I would be likely to work with this organization since the staff were all deaf. The idea of working in a place where everyone used sign language seemed appealing to me without having to face frustration with the deafness. It definitely was much easy to conduct an interview in pure sign language without the hassle of getting interpreters and facing the awkwardness/uncertainty with hearing people. I had thought I knew that I want to work in all deaf environment. Boy, was I wrong with that thought. I left this interview with feeling of hesitant and uncertainty. I just didn't feel like it was best place for me, it didn't bring out my passion for what I wanted to do.
Second place is completely different from the small organization which was full staffed with only deaf people. This place was reality (hearing world). The place was a division office of criminal justice system. I went in there without an interpreter (last minute, couldn't get one) so I was a nerve wreck. The person who interviewed me was very laid back, very nice, and very flexible on communicating. We communicated via paper & pen. After discussing what the job would consist of, I decided on the spot that this would be the job to take. We decided at end of our discussion that I will start in early September. Wait?! Why did I decided to take this one over the job in a deaf environment? I had felt more comfortable with this job & I felt the excitement and passion as we discussed the job.
This came as a surprise to me too. I came out of the building (second place) to the car where my mom had waited for me (she traveled with me to keep company), and I said "Mom, I'm working here". She looked at me surprised and then laughed. Before this day began, I was advised to not accept offers on the spot and to think about it for 1-2 days to make the right choice. In this situation, I felt strongly in my heart that I wanted the position. Some of you may remember my previous blog about the career choices - as this position would help me further in the path I think that I want which was another reason why I felt strongly to take that job over the small organization.
I am glad I still had the experience to sit down for an interview with the small organization and hear about the organization. It is very interesting organization that had a mixture of criminal justice and psychology which I once considered wanting in my career within the criminal justice system. I still have the passion to help people in C.J. system so I'm hoping to explore that further.
It was interesting to see two very different type of interviews in the same day. One with deaf staff of the organization conducted in ASL & the other one done via paper & pen. I'm glad to have this experience to help me prepare better for further interviews in both worlds.
I'm already following my heart in what I want to do by taking the job that I felt the most excited and passion for. I'm looking very much forward to fall to start the job. :)
I thought about the interviews I had back in May in Western NYS. I've never had an official interview ever in my whole life, so I was quite nervous because it's the time where I'll be facing quite several of interviews with my new chapter in life. Last May, I was lucky to line up two interviews in one day (maybe it was a bad idea?) with two places to start working in the fall.
First place had been a non profit organization focused on advocating for deaf victims. Let me tell you, my first impression about the organization was that I would be likely to work with this organization since the staff were all deaf. The idea of working in a place where everyone used sign language seemed appealing to me without having to face frustration with the deafness. It definitely was much easy to conduct an interview in pure sign language without the hassle of getting interpreters and facing the awkwardness/uncertainty with hearing people. I had thought I knew that I want to work in all deaf environment. Boy, was I wrong with that thought. I left this interview with feeling of hesitant and uncertainty. I just didn't feel like it was best place for me, it didn't bring out my passion for what I wanted to do.
Second place is completely different from the small organization which was full staffed with only deaf people. This place was reality (hearing world). The place was a division office of criminal justice system. I went in there without an interpreter (last minute, couldn't get one) so I was a nerve wreck. The person who interviewed me was very laid back, very nice, and very flexible on communicating. We communicated via paper & pen. After discussing what the job would consist of, I decided on the spot that this would be the job to take. We decided at end of our discussion that I will start in early September. Wait?! Why did I decided to take this one over the job in a deaf environment? I had felt more comfortable with this job & I felt the excitement and passion as we discussed the job.
This came as a surprise to me too. I came out of the building (second place) to the car where my mom had waited for me (she traveled with me to keep company), and I said "Mom, I'm working here". She looked at me surprised and then laughed. Before this day began, I was advised to not accept offers on the spot and to think about it for 1-2 days to make the right choice. In this situation, I felt strongly in my heart that I wanted the position. Some of you may remember my previous blog about the career choices - as this position would help me further in the path I think that I want which was another reason why I felt strongly to take that job over the small organization.
I am glad I still had the experience to sit down for an interview with the small organization and hear about the organization. It is very interesting organization that had a mixture of criminal justice and psychology which I once considered wanting in my career within the criminal justice system. I still have the passion to help people in C.J. system so I'm hoping to explore that further.
It was interesting to see two very different type of interviews in the same day. One with deaf staff of the organization conducted in ASL & the other one done via paper & pen. I'm glad to have this experience to help me prepare better for further interviews in both worlds.
I'm already following my heart in what I want to do by taking the job that I felt the most excited and passion for. I'm looking very much forward to fall to start the job. :)
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