I am just back from fist pumpin' with Ronnie, Vinny, The Situation, Pauly D, JWoww, Sammi, and Snooki. My family took a vacation to the Jersey Shore before going back to school/work for a long time.
So many things happened in Jersey that I wanted to blog about. I couldn't believe many things that I saw. Pretty much all of these were from the boardwalk.
First, there had been a tram car going up and down the boardwalk carrying lazy people, and they are driving it on the boardwalk WHERE people are actually walking. I was amazed to see that they had no kind of signal on the tram to let deaf people know they were coming up from behind. They kept announcing, "Watch the tram car please", repeatedly. Ok what about people who can't hear that? The boardwalk t-shirt stores had a joke shirt about tram cars, which had an image of a duck being hit by the tram car. It could've been a deaf person. I was amazed at this, and I really wanted to test it out to walk in their way to see what they would have done. And give them that slap in the face that I'm deaf.
The boardwalk stores, what a pain in the arse. We all know how the workers of boardwalk stores are. There was loud announcements about their rip-off deals or music blaring. How do you communicate with that?! My mom is hard of hearing, and had to practically yell at them to talk. Who was the genius that said it was ok to blast music in stores everywhere nationwide?
Also in one store, I was looking at the tee's designs because they are fun to look at. One guy came up to ask me if I needed help, in which my dad who was with me at the time replied to him that I didn't. About 10 minutes later, the same guy approached me again talking to me the entire time behind my back while I was alone (my mom came in middle of it when she came to ask me something). What part of "she's deaf" you didn't understand? I have came across that before in my life. People hear that I am deaf, they either keep talking to me like that's impossible for anyone to be deaf, and/or talk louder (yes, even maybe YELL). Really? If they can't understand that I am still deaf and nothing will change, I'd say for those people to go back to school, IDIOTS.
21.8.10
15.8.10
Is the sand real?
Earlier today I strolled down memory lane with my mom and brother. My brother had brought up a quite funny memory that occurred in Williamsburg, VA which I thought to share with all of you. My family had went on the traditional summer family vacation to Williamsburg, VA out of interest with the colonial days history and Busch Gardens.
This particular memory had occurred at a museum, I do not remember the name. The only thing I remember about it was the colonial history of Virginia. There was only one part of the entire museum that I remember so well.
This exhibit had been a beach scene (don't remember why)... with the whole set up with beach theme, sand, etc. My brother and I had went up to the display. My brother was perhaps 10 years old at the time. My brother had the curiosity of whether the sand was real or not. I was standing right next to him, with a sign in both of our faces that clearly stated, "Do not touch the display".
My brother had touched the sand, then he walked off to my parents while I stood there still looking at the beach scenery display. When I turned around to meet rest of my family, I was faced by a staring audience. Why were these people staring at me?
I wandered clueless to my family. As we left that exhibit area, I had found out that the alarm went off when my brother touched the sand on display. It made a buzzing noise that lasted a few minutes which apparently got people's attention. Unfortunately, it wasn't good for me being deaf at that time as my brother left me there to take the blame and be stared down by people.
Funny? Someday I'll have a huge revenge lined up for him :) Of course, out of sibling love.
By the way, the sand wasn't real.
This particular memory had occurred at a museum, I do not remember the name. The only thing I remember about it was the colonial history of Virginia. There was only one part of the entire museum that I remember so well.
This exhibit had been a beach scene (don't remember why)... with the whole set up with beach theme, sand, etc. My brother and I had went up to the display. My brother was perhaps 10 years old at the time. My brother had the curiosity of whether the sand was real or not. I was standing right next to him, with a sign in both of our faces that clearly stated, "Do not touch the display".
My brother had touched the sand, then he walked off to my parents while I stood there still looking at the beach scenery display. When I turned around to meet rest of my family, I was faced by a staring audience. Why were these people staring at me?
I wandered clueless to my family. As we left that exhibit area, I had found out that the alarm went off when my brother touched the sand on display. It made a buzzing noise that lasted a few minutes which apparently got people's attention. Unfortunately, it wasn't good for me being deaf at that time as my brother left me there to take the blame and be stared down by people.
Funny? Someday I'll have a huge revenge lined up for him :) Of course, out of sibling love.
By the way, the sand wasn't real.
3.8.10
"Miss! I'll take that cart!"
Today I went to a store to get a pair of this high heels I've been craving to get. Once I walked out of the store (of course, after purchasing the shoes), the store alarm went off.
Now, that's one thing about being in Rochester with the awareness of deaf community. I walked out, and I always have the tendency to walk slow anyways ONLY because of that. A lady pushing her baby in a stroller motioned me to look behind me which I did and the cashier apparently forgot to remove the security sticker on shoe box.
I experienced this in my hometown at Victoria's Secret store. I walked out after purchasing several things from the semi annual sale (yay!) and the alarm went off. Of course I didn't know, and kept walking. Later on, there had been two ladies that I knew through my mom in the store when the alarm went off and apparently the cashier yelled non stop at me while I wandered off clueless. That's what I despite. People always assume that EVERYONE is hearing. You can not always depend on that. After hearing that, my immediate reaction was that I felt humiliated for being that clueless girl walking off from someone yelling. I shouldn't even be feeling humiliated, when it should be that cashier girl from Victoria's Secret because she is the one who yelled at a deaf person!
I cannot say how many incidents I've came across in my entire life when people assumed that I was hearing. Another incident that I recall was at the grocery store parking lot, where I was walking the cart to the drop-off area for carts. An older man was yelling at me "Miss, I will take that cart", "Miss!" then after several attempts he yelled "Jesus Christ!" which at that point, my mom heard him and yelled "SHE'S DEAF!". I recall turning around after dropping off the cart, the only thing I saw was that man raising his hands in the air out of frustration but I had no idea. Then I saw my mom yelling at him, then I saw his face sulk from the expression of being frustrated. He apparently was embarrassed and continued walking towards the store.
Also in Virginia on a family vacation, I was using the computer at the guest house office at my hotel resort. My brother was sitting on the couch behind the computer desk where I was IM-ing my friends. At that time, I was perhaps 15 years old. A girl who was around my age came in, and I was focused on IM-ing with my friends, clueless that she had begun to talk to me. She was asking how much longer I would be on the computer. After getting no response from me, she said "whatever" with an attitude and stormed out of the room which got my attention. I looked at my brother in confusion and my brother told me what happened. Although, my brother sat there and didn't say anything... I was upset at him that he didn't put the slap in her face that I was deaf.
How am I suppose to feel every time these incidents occur? It always make me feel like it is my fault, after all I am the deaf person. This wouldn't have occurred if I was hearing. This kind incidents have always brought me down because it makes me feel like it is my fault and it also keeps shoving the fact that I am different in my face. For these people that did got the slap in their faces that I am deaf, who knows if it changed their perspective? I think people may forget after a while, and go back to doing the same thing - assuming that everyone is hearing.
Now, that's one thing about being in Rochester with the awareness of deaf community. I walked out, and I always have the tendency to walk slow anyways ONLY because of that. A lady pushing her baby in a stroller motioned me to look behind me which I did and the cashier apparently forgot to remove the security sticker on shoe box.
I experienced this in my hometown at Victoria's Secret store. I walked out after purchasing several things from the semi annual sale (yay!) and the alarm went off. Of course I didn't know, and kept walking. Later on, there had been two ladies that I knew through my mom in the store when the alarm went off and apparently the cashier yelled non stop at me while I wandered off clueless. That's what I despite. People always assume that EVERYONE is hearing. You can not always depend on that. After hearing that, my immediate reaction was that I felt humiliated for being that clueless girl walking off from someone yelling. I shouldn't even be feeling humiliated, when it should be that cashier girl from Victoria's Secret because she is the one who yelled at a deaf person!
I cannot say how many incidents I've came across in my entire life when people assumed that I was hearing. Another incident that I recall was at the grocery store parking lot, where I was walking the cart to the drop-off area for carts. An older man was yelling at me "Miss, I will take that cart", "Miss!" then after several attempts he yelled "Jesus Christ!" which at that point, my mom heard him and yelled "SHE'S DEAF!". I recall turning around after dropping off the cart, the only thing I saw was that man raising his hands in the air out of frustration but I had no idea. Then I saw my mom yelling at him, then I saw his face sulk from the expression of being frustrated. He apparently was embarrassed and continued walking towards the store.
Also in Virginia on a family vacation, I was using the computer at the guest house office at my hotel resort. My brother was sitting on the couch behind the computer desk where I was IM-ing my friends. At that time, I was perhaps 15 years old. A girl who was around my age came in, and I was focused on IM-ing with my friends, clueless that she had begun to talk to me. She was asking how much longer I would be on the computer. After getting no response from me, she said "whatever" with an attitude and stormed out of the room which got my attention. I looked at my brother in confusion and my brother told me what happened. Although, my brother sat there and didn't say anything... I was upset at him that he didn't put the slap in her face that I was deaf.
How am I suppose to feel every time these incidents occur? It always make me feel like it is my fault, after all I am the deaf person. This wouldn't have occurred if I was hearing. This kind incidents have always brought me down because it makes me feel like it is my fault and it also keeps shoving the fact that I am different in my face. For these people that did got the slap in their faces that I am deaf, who knows if it changed their perspective? I think people may forget after a while, and go back to doing the same thing - assuming that everyone is hearing.
25.7.10
My home is in Heaven. I'm just traveling through this world.
The question of where my home is has been analyzed for several years now. The definition of home is place of residence. Some people may follow by the quote, "Home is where the heart is", or determine their home to be where their families/love are.
All of my life growing up in the Finger Lakes Region in Upstate NY, I felt like it was home because of family. My house was the comfort zone from the surrounding hearing world that I had to face daily. When I don't want to socialize with hearing people due to frustration, my home was the place to isolate myself. I felt comfortable in my home, because it was the only place I felt comfortable to be myself. My family helped that to be possible. I have close relationship with each one in my family, and I couldn't imagine any better. Even through I come from an entirely hearing family, with myself being the only deaf person, doesn't always mean 100% understanding from my family. No hearing person would understand 100% about a deaf person's life. My family did their best to understand as much as possible, to help me by facing challenges with me, communicate with me using sign language, etc.
My first year away from home in Rochester at college, I started feeling doubts about where my "real" home was. I was so comfortable among deaf people who understood me and my lifestyle because they shared it with me. Although, I disconnected myself from the deaf world at the end of my freshman year, I was determined that my real home was still in the Finger Lakes Region where my family were.
Through out more of my years at college, I still pondered about that question of home, and analyzing into it. For the longest time, I didn't know where my real home was. As the title of this blog state, "My home is in Heaven. I'm just traveling through this world", fits perfectly to how I used to feel.
Did you hear it right? How I used to feel. As in I know now?
Yes, my true home in my heart, is Rochester.
I hold a deep connection to Rochester, because through many ups and downs, I realized how I really did love Rochester. I am still disconnected from the deaf world to this day, but I love how Rochester is very aware of the deaf community. I mention that hearing world is the reality because everywhere I go, I will have encounters with hearing world. Not all hearing people in Rochester knows sign language, but they are familiar with the "deaf accent", and alternative communication methods (pen-n-paper, etc.). The huge difference between my hometown and Rochester is the reactions from people in the public. When I go to Pizza Hut in my hometown, I always bring a paper that says "Pick up for (name)". Almost immediately the worker would look at me to analyze why I had that on a paper. I don't always step up to say that I am deaf. They act like they would treat a disabled person or a kid. They look at me with sympathy in their eyes. Sometimes, when I voice "thank-you", I get a startled reaction as in "You really can talk?". In my hometown, I almost always have to carry paper to write, but in Rochester I don't have to worry about that. I NEVER carry paper. At one of the most delicious subs restaurant in Rochester, DiBella's Old Fashioned Submarines, they always have a paper with options of what they offer to create subs available for deaf people to fill out and give to the sub maker. It is the same for all dining services on campus at RIT, with papers of option to circle for deaf people to request whatever food they desire.
I feel more comfortable to be myself in Rochester, more than in my hometown. My hometown treats me like I am an alien. In Rochester, I am just one of thousand deaf people that resides there. People are aware of deaf community. I don't have to worry about reactions. In my hometown, I even target specific places where I feel comfortable to go because the frequent I go there, the more familiar they will be with me. There are places I refuse to go to because of a certain worker there. I have a feeling of dreading when I have to go to someplace new.
Both of my hometown and Rochester has the chain grocery store, Wegman's. In my hometown, I usually determine a line to use by the age of the cashier. More younger they are, the more they might be aware of the deaf people existence. The older people are usually the ones who make me feel like I shouldn't exist, because they always show a form of sympathy like my deafness is such a horrid thing to live with. Do I worry about the cashiers at Wegman's in Rochester? Not at all.
I am finally to pin point Rochester as my true home, however I am in love with someone. I once experienced both, my love and being home in Rochester, at same time and I was the most truly happiest I've ever been in so long. If I had both in Rochester forever, that will be blissfully happiness for me but it is out of my control. Only the future will determine that.
All of my life growing up in the Finger Lakes Region in Upstate NY, I felt like it was home because of family. My house was the comfort zone from the surrounding hearing world that I had to face daily. When I don't want to socialize with hearing people due to frustration, my home was the place to isolate myself. I felt comfortable in my home, because it was the only place I felt comfortable to be myself. My family helped that to be possible. I have close relationship with each one in my family, and I couldn't imagine any better. Even through I come from an entirely hearing family, with myself being the only deaf person, doesn't always mean 100% understanding from my family. No hearing person would understand 100% about a deaf person's life. My family did their best to understand as much as possible, to help me by facing challenges with me, communicate with me using sign language, etc.
My first year away from home in Rochester at college, I started feeling doubts about where my "real" home was. I was so comfortable among deaf people who understood me and my lifestyle because they shared it with me. Although, I disconnected myself from the deaf world at the end of my freshman year, I was determined that my real home was still in the Finger Lakes Region where my family were.
Through out more of my years at college, I still pondered about that question of home, and analyzing into it. For the longest time, I didn't know where my real home was. As the title of this blog state, "My home is in Heaven. I'm just traveling through this world", fits perfectly to how I used to feel.
Did you hear it right? How I used to feel. As in I know now?
Yes, my true home in my heart, is Rochester.
I hold a deep connection to Rochester, because through many ups and downs, I realized how I really did love Rochester. I am still disconnected from the deaf world to this day, but I love how Rochester is very aware of the deaf community. I mention that hearing world is the reality because everywhere I go, I will have encounters with hearing world. Not all hearing people in Rochester knows sign language, but they are familiar with the "deaf accent", and alternative communication methods (pen-n-paper, etc.). The huge difference between my hometown and Rochester is the reactions from people in the public. When I go to Pizza Hut in my hometown, I always bring a paper that says "Pick up for (name)". Almost immediately the worker would look at me to analyze why I had that on a paper. I don't always step up to say that I am deaf. They act like they would treat a disabled person or a kid. They look at me with sympathy in their eyes. Sometimes, when I voice "thank-you", I get a startled reaction as in "You really can talk?". In my hometown, I almost always have to carry paper to write, but in Rochester I don't have to worry about that. I NEVER carry paper. At one of the most delicious subs restaurant in Rochester, DiBella's Old Fashioned Submarines, they always have a paper with options of what they offer to create subs available for deaf people to fill out and give to the sub maker. It is the same for all dining services on campus at RIT, with papers of option to circle for deaf people to request whatever food they desire.
I feel more comfortable to be myself in Rochester, more than in my hometown. My hometown treats me like I am an alien. In Rochester, I am just one of thousand deaf people that resides there. People are aware of deaf community. I don't have to worry about reactions. In my hometown, I even target specific places where I feel comfortable to go because the frequent I go there, the more familiar they will be with me. There are places I refuse to go to because of a certain worker there. I have a feeling of dreading when I have to go to someplace new.
Both of my hometown and Rochester has the chain grocery store, Wegman's. In my hometown, I usually determine a line to use by the age of the cashier. More younger they are, the more they might be aware of the deaf people existence. The older people are usually the ones who make me feel like I shouldn't exist, because they always show a form of sympathy like my deafness is such a horrid thing to live with. Do I worry about the cashiers at Wegman's in Rochester? Not at all.
I am finally to pin point Rochester as my true home, however I am in love with someone. I once experienced both, my love and being home in Rochester, at same time and I was the most truly happiest I've ever been in so long. If I had both in Rochester forever, that will be blissfully happiness for me but it is out of my control. Only the future will determine that.
Fresh Meat '07
As I promised, a blog (or 4 - one blog per year) about college. I came to RIT in 2007, entering my freshman year. RIT has 8 colleges; Applied Science & Technology, Business, Computing & Information Science, Engineering, Imaging Arts & Sciences, Liberal Arts, National Technical Institute for the Deaf, and Science. In my freshman year, I went to the National Technical Institute for the Deaf (NTID), majoring in Arts & Imaging Science.
The first night of college, I reunited with my friends from the camp I went to at RIT during the summer before my senior year in high school, as well new friends I met during the day. I remember we all explored the residence halls area, and hung out in the lounge watching movies. The first week of college was all orientation for only NTID students, which gave me the chance to explore deaf community for the first time. I recall that I was so eager to have deaf peers my age, and having no problems with communication since all of these friends I made had used sign language.
RIT/NTID runs under a tri quarter system. The first quarter (Fall) had been really great, I explored the deaf community & was able to make many many many deaf friends. I socialized a lot with deaf people. I lost my focus on hearing world for a while because the deaf world was a new world for me. I got caught up in the excitement of it. Since NTID was a college focusing on deaf students, the classes consisted of deaf students as well deaf teachers (most of time). Some teachers may be hearing that has the skill of sign language. The classes were easily accessible for the deaf community.
I joined a "deaf" sorority on campus - Sigma Sigma Sigma - within first 2 weeks of college. Tri Sigma was the only one out of two deaf sororities on campus, but the positive factor of Tri Sigma is that it wasn't entirely deaf. It included members from the hearing world that knew sign language i.e. interpreters or just girls that was willing to learn. What I liked about Tri Sigma is that like RIT, it had both worlds. My first year in Tri Sigma was unforgettable. I got to meet a lot of wonderful ladies that I was proud to call my sisters. I had an amazing big sister who showed the way around Tri Sigma world. Many of the sisters, including my big sister, had opened up a world for me which led me to build even a stronger person. The sorority helped me to reach out to others, make friends, be socializing, become a stronger person, and find myself. Tri Sigma was my family in Rochester that was the support system for me that was there for me anytime.
The freshman year was excellent year with many fond memories that was built from all kinds of experience that I had at RIT. As I mentioned all the positive aspects that I had at RIT, I also faced negative aspects.
When I first came in RIT and exploring the deaf community, I started seeing several kind of identities that existed. I never thought of this. There's the Deaf-power which mostly consists of deaf institute students, deaf students from deaf families, etc. They hold a huge pride of their deafness, therefore are the top subculture group of the deaf community. I faced judgments from the Deaf power students on why I was using my voice and signing ESL (English Sign Language) instead of ASL (American Sign Language). They made it difficult for me to fit in the deaf community, which forced me to seek deaf peers that were like me. Most of these were categorized as Oral-Deaf or Mainstreamed Deaf. Mainstreamed Deaf are the deaf students that may been the only one or came from a small deaf community, that attended mainstreamed school (which I fit in this category). Oral-deaf were similar to the Mainstreamed Deaf but with cochlear implants. Both mainstreamed deaf and oral deaf used mostly ESL (or some ASL) and voice to communicate with hearing people. Deaf power people usually avoid any contact with hearing people until it's necessary i.e. out in public, stores, banks, etc.
I mentioned my experience going to visit the deaf institutes when I was in 7th grade. I mentioned that the education level was off-tracked from the average grade level of regular hearing students for the deaf students. I faced that problem again in college, in NTID. The NTID classes had been really easy for me, and I had time to slack. This caused me to transfer out of the college for the deaf to the College of Liberal Arts to criminal justice major. I forgot to mention that NTID focuses more on associate's degree, not bachelor's degree.
In Spring Quarter, I entered in College of Liberal Arts for the first time. I was back to the life when I was in high school of being in mainstreamed classes with team of support services i.e. interpreters, note takers, etc. Some classes, I might have been the only deaf student. I was happy to be out of NTID, because I was starting to be irritated with the education aspects. I wanted more challenging education that really makes me motivated to work hard and LEARN. This caused me to go back in the hearing world, making hearing friends at RIT. I hadn't have much of socializing with the hearing people since high school, so it wasn't any problem to go back in that lifestyle because that was the one I grew up in.
What I never imagined to happen is that going back in that lifestyle would actually make me miss being in the hearing world. I started to hang out with hearing friends, even dated a hearing guy. Going back to the hearing world, made me lose a lot of my deaf friends that I gained in first two quarters of college. The only ones I had were sisters from Tri Sigma and my best friend. I was disconnected from the deaf community/world.
I also realized that I wanted nothing to do with the deaf community because I didn't like the morals and 'rules' of the deaf community. They also isolated themselves so much that it was like a fantasy world. I had forgotten for a while how life was like in hearing world (which is more of reality). It is important to keep the factors I learned from being in hearing world because hearing world is the reality. We, deaf people, always will face hearing people daily. I thought it would be impossible to be sucked into the deaf world, but it wasn't. I did got sucked in, and I forgot what reality was for a while. Realizing all of that when I went back in hearing world just scared me so much that I disconnected myself from the deaf world (minus Tri Sigma).
I left my freshman year at RIT, only having the Tri Sigma sisters, one deaf best friends, and all the hearing friends that I gained in Spring Quarter back home to Finger Lakes Region in Upstate NY. Back to reality. Back to hearing world. Back to be only deaf person within 2 hours radius. That summer changed me again.
You guessed it, that will be blog #2 about my second year at RIT.
The first night of college, I reunited with my friends from the camp I went to at RIT during the summer before my senior year in high school, as well new friends I met during the day. I remember we all explored the residence halls area, and hung out in the lounge watching movies. The first week of college was all orientation for only NTID students, which gave me the chance to explore deaf community for the first time. I recall that I was so eager to have deaf peers my age, and having no problems with communication since all of these friends I made had used sign language.
RIT/NTID runs under a tri quarter system. The first quarter (Fall) had been really great, I explored the deaf community & was able to make many many many deaf friends. I socialized a lot with deaf people. I lost my focus on hearing world for a while because the deaf world was a new world for me. I got caught up in the excitement of it. Since NTID was a college focusing on deaf students, the classes consisted of deaf students as well deaf teachers (most of time). Some teachers may be hearing that has the skill of sign language. The classes were easily accessible for the deaf community.
I joined a "deaf" sorority on campus - Sigma Sigma Sigma - within first 2 weeks of college. Tri Sigma was the only one out of two deaf sororities on campus, but the positive factor of Tri Sigma is that it wasn't entirely deaf. It included members from the hearing world that knew sign language i.e. interpreters or just girls that was willing to learn. What I liked about Tri Sigma is that like RIT, it had both worlds. My first year in Tri Sigma was unforgettable. I got to meet a lot of wonderful ladies that I was proud to call my sisters. I had an amazing big sister who showed the way around Tri Sigma world. Many of the sisters, including my big sister, had opened up a world for me which led me to build even a stronger person. The sorority helped me to reach out to others, make friends, be socializing, become a stronger person, and find myself. Tri Sigma was my family in Rochester that was the support system for me that was there for me anytime.
The freshman year was excellent year with many fond memories that was built from all kinds of experience that I had at RIT. As I mentioned all the positive aspects that I had at RIT, I also faced negative aspects.
When I first came in RIT and exploring the deaf community, I started seeing several kind of identities that existed. I never thought of this. There's the Deaf-power which mostly consists of deaf institute students, deaf students from deaf families, etc. They hold a huge pride of their deafness, therefore are the top subculture group of the deaf community. I faced judgments from the Deaf power students on why I was using my voice and signing ESL (English Sign Language) instead of ASL (American Sign Language). They made it difficult for me to fit in the deaf community, which forced me to seek deaf peers that were like me. Most of these were categorized as Oral-Deaf or Mainstreamed Deaf. Mainstreamed Deaf are the deaf students that may been the only one or came from a small deaf community, that attended mainstreamed school (which I fit in this category). Oral-deaf were similar to the Mainstreamed Deaf but with cochlear implants. Both mainstreamed deaf and oral deaf used mostly ESL (or some ASL) and voice to communicate with hearing people. Deaf power people usually avoid any contact with hearing people until it's necessary i.e. out in public, stores, banks, etc.
I mentioned my experience going to visit the deaf institutes when I was in 7th grade. I mentioned that the education level was off-tracked from the average grade level of regular hearing students for the deaf students. I faced that problem again in college, in NTID. The NTID classes had been really easy for me, and I had time to slack. This caused me to transfer out of the college for the deaf to the College of Liberal Arts to criminal justice major. I forgot to mention that NTID focuses more on associate's degree, not bachelor's degree.
In Spring Quarter, I entered in College of Liberal Arts for the first time. I was back to the life when I was in high school of being in mainstreamed classes with team of support services i.e. interpreters, note takers, etc. Some classes, I might have been the only deaf student. I was happy to be out of NTID, because I was starting to be irritated with the education aspects. I wanted more challenging education that really makes me motivated to work hard and LEARN. This caused me to go back in the hearing world, making hearing friends at RIT. I hadn't have much of socializing with the hearing people since high school, so it wasn't any problem to go back in that lifestyle because that was the one I grew up in.
What I never imagined to happen is that going back in that lifestyle would actually make me miss being in the hearing world. I started to hang out with hearing friends, even dated a hearing guy. Going back to the hearing world, made me lose a lot of my deaf friends that I gained in first two quarters of college. The only ones I had were sisters from Tri Sigma and my best friend. I was disconnected from the deaf community/world.
I also realized that I wanted nothing to do with the deaf community because I didn't like the morals and 'rules' of the deaf community. They also isolated themselves so much that it was like a fantasy world. I had forgotten for a while how life was like in hearing world (which is more of reality). It is important to keep the factors I learned from being in hearing world because hearing world is the reality. We, deaf people, always will face hearing people daily. I thought it would be impossible to be sucked into the deaf world, but it wasn't. I did got sucked in, and I forgot what reality was for a while. Realizing all of that when I went back in hearing world just scared me so much that I disconnected myself from the deaf world (minus Tri Sigma).
I left my freshman year at RIT, only having the Tri Sigma sisters, one deaf best friends, and all the hearing friends that I gained in Spring Quarter back home to Finger Lakes Region in Upstate NY. Back to reality. Back to hearing world. Back to be only deaf person within 2 hours radius. That summer changed me again.
You guessed it, that will be blog #2 about my second year at RIT.
24.7.10
Who knows me best?
Recently, I spoke to my cousins and a statement from the conversation woke me up. My cousin believed that she knew me more than my boyfriend, just because she grew up with me for 21 years. In my case, she (or the other cousins) don't truly know me. I strongly feel that my boyfriend actually is the one who knows me the best (among with parents, brother, some people at RIT). Yes, it's only been 8 months, but I have shared so many intimate/deep feelings that I don't share with ANYONE ELSE. We are also in a relationship together meaning that communication is a large factor.
This cousin also moved approximately 15 hours away from NY. She may knew the kid that I was, but I'm not the same person obviously. Heck, I'm even not the same person I was a year ago. Still, that kid I was all the way to present, I realized that none of my cousins or old friends truly knew me. It never occurred that people I once was so close with in the past never knew my feelings, etc. This woke me up that I finally have that person who truly knows me best. This is one reason why I'm the happiest person now because so many of my feelings have finally came out after all of those years of being stuffed away inside of me.
Of course, I have told cousins, relatives, friends, etc. the basics of the challenges that I face but I still never share the most intimate details, like how I don't like being deaf. I had friends who wanted to be interpreters. I had cousin who did research on deaf for school. I had people to join sign language club/or anything similar. I had cousin/friends that took ASL classes. How do I feel about that? I don't even want to be deaf myself. They don't know my life at RIT. Everyone back home assume that I'm off in the deaf world enjoying being in the deaf community. It just woke me up that nobody in my life have truly knew me beside my parents and my brother.
Til I got my boyfriend. My boyfriend listens to me to express my deepest feelings that I have yet expressed to anyone (even these that I may knew for long time i.e. family relatives & friends). The feelings related to challenges of deafness, he knows the most personal details that I face or feel from being deaf. The statement from my cousin woke me up, and I realized even more how a wonderful relationship I am really in. I never had that with anyone (beside my parents + brother) to express those kind feelings and feel so comfortable for no judgments. One of things that I really hate in life from other people is their judging, I cannot tolerate that. Hence why I don't express feelings to people.
I began to express feelings to my boyfriend starting around February which was 3 months mark then, which amazes me. I have never met anyone to be that comfortable in that short period of time to express these "classified" feelings. I can honestly say that he knows me more than any of my friends and relatives because of that. I could not have asked for better communication in the relationship, it is really excellent. We share so many things that many other relationships even might not, and we also don't keep anything from each other.
He also faces the challenges with me in life. He didn't sign up for this, but he still faces it because he truly loves me. We have to face many limitations and detours in life because of my deafness. One example would be the open captions in movie theaters. My boyfriend always check the open captioned movies website, not the regular website. There has been movies that we were anxious to see once it got released, but with open captions we have to wait 2-3 weeks. Yes folks, you heard it right, EVEN in Rochester that consists one of the largest deaf community. The patience definitely showed from my boyfriend as well, which is required in a relationship with one person being deaf. I always will be facing challenges through out of my life with no stopping, and he understands that. He is taking it on with me, so I am not alone for the ride.
Speaking of open captions movies, I have to share a funny AND heartwarming story. At Costco (store), we looked at DVD players on display with the movie, Toy Story playing. I didn't even think twice how it didn't have the subtitles, and my boyfriend takes it upon to turn them on right away as we approached the display. It was funny since we were only looking at it for few minutes, but it was heartwarming because he thinks life WITH me, and includes me in everything possible. Which brings the message to all of those deaf people out there, if you are dating hearing person... make sure you have that kind relationship where you can express your most frustrating, intimate, deepest, even bottled up feelings related to the life of being deaf. Also, make sure you have someone to face the challenges WITH you and THINK life with you to include you in everything possible. That's your true love.
This cousin also moved approximately 15 hours away from NY. She may knew the kid that I was, but I'm not the same person obviously. Heck, I'm even not the same person I was a year ago. Still, that kid I was all the way to present, I realized that none of my cousins or old friends truly knew me. It never occurred that people I once was so close with in the past never knew my feelings, etc. This woke me up that I finally have that person who truly knows me best. This is one reason why I'm the happiest person now because so many of my feelings have finally came out after all of those years of being stuffed away inside of me.
Of course, I have told cousins, relatives, friends, etc. the basics of the challenges that I face but I still never share the most intimate details, like how I don't like being deaf. I had friends who wanted to be interpreters. I had cousin who did research on deaf for school. I had people to join sign language club/or anything similar. I had cousin/friends that took ASL classes. How do I feel about that? I don't even want to be deaf myself. They don't know my life at RIT. Everyone back home assume that I'm off in the deaf world enjoying being in the deaf community. It just woke me up that nobody in my life have truly knew me beside my parents and my brother.
Til I got my boyfriend. My boyfriend listens to me to express my deepest feelings that I have yet expressed to anyone (even these that I may knew for long time i.e. family relatives & friends). The feelings related to challenges of deafness, he knows the most personal details that I face or feel from being deaf. The statement from my cousin woke me up, and I realized even more how a wonderful relationship I am really in. I never had that with anyone (beside my parents + brother) to express those kind feelings and feel so comfortable for no judgments. One of things that I really hate in life from other people is their judging, I cannot tolerate that. Hence why I don't express feelings to people.
I began to express feelings to my boyfriend starting around February which was 3 months mark then, which amazes me. I have never met anyone to be that comfortable in that short period of time to express these "classified" feelings. I can honestly say that he knows me more than any of my friends and relatives because of that. I could not have asked for better communication in the relationship, it is really excellent. We share so many things that many other relationships even might not, and we also don't keep anything from each other.
He also faces the challenges with me in life. He didn't sign up for this, but he still faces it because he truly loves me. We have to face many limitations and detours in life because of my deafness. One example would be the open captions in movie theaters. My boyfriend always check the open captioned movies website, not the regular website. There has been movies that we were anxious to see once it got released, but with open captions we have to wait 2-3 weeks. Yes folks, you heard it right, EVEN in Rochester that consists one of the largest deaf community. The patience definitely showed from my boyfriend as well, which is required in a relationship with one person being deaf. I always will be facing challenges through out of my life with no stopping, and he understands that. He is taking it on with me, so I am not alone for the ride.
Speaking of open captions movies, I have to share a funny AND heartwarming story. At Costco (store), we looked at DVD players on display with the movie, Toy Story playing. I didn't even think twice how it didn't have the subtitles, and my boyfriend takes it upon to turn them on right away as we approached the display. It was funny since we were only looking at it for few minutes, but it was heartwarming because he thinks life WITH me, and includes me in everything possible. Which brings the message to all of those deaf people out there, if you are dating hearing person... make sure you have that kind relationship where you can express your most frustrating, intimate, deepest, even bottled up feelings related to the life of being deaf. Also, make sure you have someone to face the challenges WITH you and THINK life with you to include you in everything possible. That's your true love.
23.7.10
Deaf Community
I grew up in the Finger Lakes Region in Upstate NY, where a deaf community was nonexistence.
As I mentioned, I went to mainstreamed school up until college. Through out mainstreamed school years, I had a team consisting interpreters, teacher-of-the-Deaf, note takers, etc.
In my first elementary school that I attended, there had been a small deaf program which on average consisted of 12 students. I would go to the 'deaf classroom' in the mornings to practice speech therapy and correct grammar (writing). Speech and grammar are deaf people's weakness. In the afternoon, I would go to regular classroom with my regular peers. In 5th grade, I moved to another elementary school that didn't have a program like at my first school. This 2nd school was half a mile away from my home, and I had decided to move there to find more friends in the home neighborhood. It was a challenging time making friends but I found great ones. In elementary schools, kids are more motivated to learn sign language. Also the new school had more friendly kids and staff. That school was very excellent, and I always hold fond memories of my time there. It helped me to form in the strong person that I am to this day because of the challenges I faced, and having a support system at the school (as well the family).
I went on to middle school and high school, of course gaining several different friends over the years. Those years were more difficult. I had went to the deaf institutes in Rochester, NY and White Plains, NY during middle school years to consider transferring there among deaf peers. I recall visiting classrooms with several of deaf students and participated like I was already a student there. This occurred in 2001, at that time, what I noticed at both schools that their education level had been off track from where I was in my mainstreamed school. For example, I went there in 7th grade, and things they were being educated about were things I already learned in 5th grade. Determined to stay in mainstreamed school instead of being with my own kind of peers was a tough decision. Another downside to attending deaf institutes would be going away from my home/family which I have a close bond with. The deaf institute is like a boarding school, how it would work is that I would leave Monday AM (2-3 hours away for both schools) and reside in the dorms during the week. Home on Friday PM. That would take away a lot of time from the family and I would definitely have missed out on a lot things that were occurring in my home area with family, friends, etc.
The last two years in high school was horrible. I rushed those years without entirely enjoying the time to graduation. I probably was the only happy person at graduation to leave high school. I lost motivation in last 2 years with putting in the effort with the hearing peers. A lot discourage led me to give up and I was not socializing anymore. All I was thinking about is to get out of that place. I was looking forward to attending a college with mixed deaf/hearing community. I loved that about RIT that it had both worlds - with one world (hearing) that I am already familiar of. I went to camp at RIT in the summer before my senior year in high school, which got myself first batch of deaf friends that I stayed in contact with via computer.
And... finally arrived to college on August 19, 2007. That will be another whole blog to write.
As I mentioned, I went to mainstreamed school up until college. Through out mainstreamed school years, I had a team consisting interpreters, teacher-of-the-Deaf, note takers, etc.
In my first elementary school that I attended, there had been a small deaf program which on average consisted of 12 students. I would go to the 'deaf classroom' in the mornings to practice speech therapy and correct grammar (writing). Speech and grammar are deaf people's weakness. In the afternoon, I would go to regular classroom with my regular peers. In 5th grade, I moved to another elementary school that didn't have a program like at my first school. This 2nd school was half a mile away from my home, and I had decided to move there to find more friends in the home neighborhood. It was a challenging time making friends but I found great ones. In elementary schools, kids are more motivated to learn sign language. Also the new school had more friendly kids and staff. That school was very excellent, and I always hold fond memories of my time there. It helped me to form in the strong person that I am to this day because of the challenges I faced, and having a support system at the school (as well the family).
I went on to middle school and high school, of course gaining several different friends over the years. Those years were more difficult. I had went to the deaf institutes in Rochester, NY and White Plains, NY during middle school years to consider transferring there among deaf peers. I recall visiting classrooms with several of deaf students and participated like I was already a student there. This occurred in 2001, at that time, what I noticed at both schools that their education level had been off track from where I was in my mainstreamed school. For example, I went there in 7th grade, and things they were being educated about were things I already learned in 5th grade. Determined to stay in mainstreamed school instead of being with my own kind of peers was a tough decision. Another downside to attending deaf institutes would be going away from my home/family which I have a close bond with. The deaf institute is like a boarding school, how it would work is that I would leave Monday AM (2-3 hours away for both schools) and reside in the dorms during the week. Home on Friday PM. That would take away a lot of time from the family and I would definitely have missed out on a lot things that were occurring in my home area with family, friends, etc.
The last two years in high school was horrible. I rushed those years without entirely enjoying the time to graduation. I probably was the only happy person at graduation to leave high school. I lost motivation in last 2 years with putting in the effort with the hearing peers. A lot discourage led me to give up and I was not socializing anymore. All I was thinking about is to get out of that place. I was looking forward to attending a college with mixed deaf/hearing community. I loved that about RIT that it had both worlds - with one world (hearing) that I am already familiar of. I went to camp at RIT in the summer before my senior year in high school, which got myself first batch of deaf friends that I stayed in contact with via computer.
And... finally arrived to college on August 19, 2007. That will be another whole blog to write.
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