Who knows me best?

Recently, I spoke to my cousins and a statement from the conversation woke me up. My cousin believed that she knew me more than my boyfriend, just because she grew up with me for 21 years. In my case, she (or the other cousins) don't truly know me. I strongly feel that my boyfriend actually is the one who knows me the best (among with parents, brother, some people at RIT). Yes, it's only been 8 months, but I have shared so many intimate/deep feelings that I don't share with ANYONE ELSE. We are also in a relationship together meaning that communication is a large factor.

This cousin also moved approximately 15 hours away from NY. She may knew the kid that I was, but I'm not the same person obviously. Heck, I'm even not the same person I was a year ago. Still, that kid I was all the way to present, I realized that none of my cousins or old friends truly knew me. It never occurred that people I once was so close with in the past never knew my feelings, etc. This woke me up that I finally have that person who truly knows me best. This is one reason why I'm the happiest person now because so many of my feelings have finally came out after all of those years of being stuffed away inside of me.

Of course, I have told cousins, relatives, friends, etc. the basics of the challenges that I face but I still never share the most intimate details, like how I don't like being deaf. I had friends who wanted to be interpreters. I had cousin who did research on deaf for school. I had people to join sign language club/or anything similar. I had cousin/friends that took ASL classes. How do I feel about that? I don't even want to be deaf myself. They don't know my life at RIT. Everyone back home assume that I'm off in the deaf world enjoying being in the deaf community. It just woke me up that nobody in my life have truly knew me beside my parents and my brother.

Til I got my boyfriend. My boyfriend listens to me to express my deepest feelings that I have yet expressed to anyone (even these that I may knew for long time i.e. family relatives & friends). The feelings related to challenges of deafness, he knows the most personal details that I face or feel from being deaf. The statement from my cousin woke me up, and I realized even more how a wonderful relationship I am really in. I never had that with anyone (beside my parents + brother) to express those kind feelings and feel so comfortable for no judgments. One of things that I really hate in life from other people is their judging, I cannot tolerate that. Hence why I don't express feelings to people.

I began to express feelings to my boyfriend starting around February which was 3 months mark then, which amazes me. I have never met anyone to be that comfortable in that short period of time to express these "classified" feelings. I can honestly say that he knows me more than any of my friends and relatives because of that. I could not have asked for better communication in the relationship, it is really excellent. We share so many things that many other relationships even might not, and we also don't keep anything from each other.

He also faces the challenges with me in life. He didn't sign up for this, but he still faces it because he truly loves me. We have to face many limitations and detours in life because of my deafness. One example would be the open captions in movie theaters. My boyfriend always check the open captioned movies website, not the regular website. There has been movies that we were anxious to see once it got released, but with open captions we have to wait 2-3 weeks. Yes folks, you heard it right, EVEN in Rochester that consists one of the largest deaf community. The patience definitely showed from my boyfriend as well, which is required in a relationship with one person being deaf. I always will be facing challenges through out of my life with no stopping, and he understands that. He is taking it on with me, so I am not alone for the ride.

Speaking of open captions movies, I have to share a funny AND heartwarming story. At Costco (store), we looked at DVD players on display with the movie, Toy Story playing. I didn't even think twice how it didn't have the subtitles, and my boyfriend takes it upon to turn them on right away as we approached the display. It was funny since we were only looking at it for few minutes, but it was heartwarming because he thinks life WITH me, and includes me in everything possible. Which brings the message to all of those deaf people out there, if you are dating hearing person... make sure you have that kind relationship where you can express your most frustrating, intimate, deepest, even bottled up feelings related to the life of being deaf. Also, make sure you have someone to face the challenges WITH you and THINK life with you to include you in everything possible. That's your true love.