"Can you lip read?"

Some people have been questioning about approaches with meeting deaf people. While it is a difficult challenge for me to open up to new hearing people, I do my best to make them comfortable around me. I like meeting new people, as well teach people who are not familiar about the deaf culture. I am residing in Connecticut in an area with no deaf community like the one I grew to love in Rochester. I am faced with the challenges of meeting new people again. It’s a weird feeling because I didn’t have to worry about that for the last four years. In those four years, it wasn’t difficult to make friends who had same communication methods and similar understanding of living as a deaf individual.

In Connecticut, I am struggling to find a deaf community around here or at least some deaf friends. I am also struggling in befriending with new hearing people. I'm not facing the same challenges of a hearing person meeting people in the new location. It may take not long for them to make new friends. In meeting new people, I have to say that I am the most motivated to develop friendships with people express interest in communicating with me via sign language.

However, I am not saying that people are required to learn sign language to be friends with deaf people. There is the old traditional method of paper and pen. If you are high tech, you can type out on notepads or blank text on your mobile screen & show it to a deaf person. You also can sometime be lucky if the deaf person has a hearing person with them that would be able to interpret (i.e. my boyfriend can interpret for me).

A common question that I get all the time is "Can you lip read?" *WARNING* Some deaf people can lip read, not all of them through! I am one of those who can lip read but it takes a while for me to understand EVERYONE. Do not depend on deaf person to lip read - they still will be missing out on some words.

I do highly recommend that if you want to maintain an effective friendship with a deaf individual to learn sign language. There is a huge difference in a friendship depending on the communication methods. Conversations only through paper/pen compared to conversations via sign language. In paper/pen method, details are often left out. Nobody has fun to continue writing every word of a conversation with hand cramps. Communicating via sign language will allow the deaf individual to express as much they like to. My preferred communication method is using sign language to develop friendships.

I personally have felt frustration when I meet new people who don’t put in the efforts to somehow communicate with me. When I get very frustrated, I most often give up on those who do not put in the same efforts as I am in communicating. It gives me the feeling that they don’t care enough. But, I can tell you that it will make a deaf person’s day when they go out in the public to bump into people who express interest in deaf culture or show off some sign language skills. It grabs my attention towards them, and I feel motivated to communicate with them. An example of an incident would include the gathering I recently went to play the game of Apples-to-Apples where I was the only deaf person there. Some people brought up questions regarding my deafness. I immediately opened up to them and gave them as much details I could via interpreter (my boyfriend). I felt really excited that they showed interest and it gives me hopes to develop friendships with them down the road.

Even the littlest things make me excited such as signing “Thank-you”. When I go to the stores, there have been times when the cashiers picked up on my deafness from seeing me using sign language or my “Deaf accent” which they would sign “Thank you” to me as I was leaving the store. That isn’t even a minute long conversation but it thrills me when people put in the effort to do things like that. Every time that happens, it makes my day ... when I run into people like that, so if you are one of them, don’t be shy to show off some sign language skills! :)

Deaf in the Media

Several people have been asking me lately what my opinions were about deaf in tv shows/movies in the past year.

Marlee Matlin made an appearance on the show "Dancing with the Stars" in 2008 then Donald Trump's tv show "Celebrity Apprentice" in early 2010. Even through, she already been a celebrity for a long time as she won awards for her acting role in the movie, "Children of a Lesser God" (great movie!) back in late 1980's, but I feel that her recent appearances on those two shows have grabbed the attention of the world towards deafness.

It seems like deafness have been spreading awareness via media more often lately. I am very glad about that, as I think people should have an idea of the deaf community.

I recently saw a movie on Lifetime Channel called "Listen to Your Heart" (2010). It was about a hearing male who is a singer falling in love with a deaf girl. In this movie, the deaf girl only used ASL with no voice. In the beginning of the singer & deaf girl's relationship, there had been similar beginning of my relationship with my hearing boyfriend regarding communication. They started out with writing. Eventually, the singer learned some sign language. The only difference was that I use my voice, and the girl didn't. I like this concept of the hearing-and-deaf relationship in that movie since I am living that experience right now. Otherwise, the representation of the deaf girl didn't impress me too much since that wasn't who I was, however, there are deaf people out there that is like her. That's just one example of the variety of deaf people that exist in the world.

You may see more variety on ABC Family channel's show "Switched at Birth". This show is about two high school girls who were switched by accident at the time of their births at the hospital, which one of the girl had been deaf. I was worried when this show first came out that it would be a dramatic show for teens. I was wrong. This show is good for family audience in my opinion. In this show, the deaf girl attends a deaf institute. She had a male deaf best friend who has deaf parents. There was variety of deaf people in the show. The deaf girl is displayed on the show to be in both worlds of hearing and deaf. She attends a school for the deaf, but she lives at home with hearing family. She is mainstreamed like I am. The show also have been nailing on the deaf culture. In every show, there is an aspect of many challenges that deaf people face daily in their lives. For example, I'm going to use the deaf-and-hearing relationship again, the deaf male best friend is in a relationship with a hearing girl. There are frustrations of communication, understanding, respecting the boundaries of deaf person, etc. in the relationship which was clearly emphasized on the tv show. I am very impressed with "Switched at Birth" so far, and it is one of my favorite shows to watch every week. It also is the closest thing I have right now to the deaf world (Miss you Rochester!).

I suggest that everybody should watch "Switched at Birth" to learn the deaf culture & it does have a lot teaching methods of how to communicate with deaf people. I like that the show is entertaining people but at same time it has hidden messages related to deaf culture. I strongly feel that this show is spreading the awareness of deafness since it is on television every week on a popular channel.

This past October (2011), there was a movie released called "The Hammer". It is a biographical movie about first deaf wrestler to win National Collegiate Wrestling Championship. The deaf wrestler, Matt Hamill is also known for fighting professionally for UFC before retiring. Also, guess what? The deaf wrestler is an alumni of my college - RIT! Go RIT Tigers! The movie was filmed at RIT campus as well several other locations. This is a very deaf based movie. The part of his time at RIT shows EXACTLY what the deaf community at RIT was like. If you want a glimpse of my RIT life, just watch the movie.

Overall, the movie was based on a deaf person which I was able to relate to. Our deaf experiences are very much similar. Prior to attending RIT, Matt Hamill's communication method included lip reading & speaking with his voice. He learned more ASL once he was at RIT. I had the same experience which I definitely learned most of my sign language skills at RIT. We attended RIT so we have the same understanding of the deaf community in Rochester. He came from a hearing family, which I did too. We both are a lot alike in these area of experiences. I highly recommend that everyone watch the movie "The Hammer". You can purchase DVD copies in stores or online right now!

I am very proud to see deaf in the media to spread awareness & teach people about deafness/deaf culture after all there are a million deaf people existing in the world.

Mirror reflection of myself

Happy 2012 to everyone, and welcome to my first blog of 2012.

My holiday season in Upstate NY was fun filled being with my family and relatives. I wish it could have been longer! I hope that your holiday season were as good.

On Christmas Eve, there was a guest that attended my family's gathering which was a mirror reflection of myself. Only a Japanese version. Let me explain, a family friend have been working in Japan for his company which is based in Upstate NY which he apparently brought home a Japanese girlfriend. She spoke with a broken English accent. While figuring how they communicated, apparently he spoke some Japanese to her. It was interesting to see a couple that was similar to my boyfriend and I. He learned some Japanese, so he spoke what he knew to the girlfriend and the girlfriend learned some English as she had spoke in a broken English accent. There was several times when he had to interpret for my English speaking relatives for her. Just like my boyfriend and I. We both know English, but he still had to learn ASL to communicate with me. I try to use my voice to talk to him to have him understand me. He had to interpret for me with non ASL signers like his family, co-workers, friends.

Seeing the Japanese guest at my family's Christmas Eve was a weird experience. It was my first time experiencing something like that. I caught the family friend talking in a fast paced English with like three of my uncles, while she stood behind him with the expression of being lost in her face. She didn't know what they were talking about. The men burst out in hard laughter, and she put on a fake laugh to blend in. I knew EXACTLY what she was feeling.

I was taken back, as I didn't think that what deaf people experience could be so alike to what people who speak a foreign language experience in socializing with English speaking people. I just didn't think of it. I have seen many other language speakers in New York City several times, but it never occurred to me what experiences they have. Which can be a lot alike to the deaf community experiences. It was a first time to have a foreigner up close socializing among me.

Even through I never talked to her, we still have that bond. The bond of sharing the same experiences of dating a person who relies strongly on speaking English. I know that I know English too, but I don't have people that always understand me because of my "deaf accent". Many deaf people have a "deaf accent", which could be a whole new language with million of deaf people existing in the world.

This experience showed me that deaf people aren't alone. There are million other people out there in the world that can relate to our experiences.

Just as I thought I was alone at that Christmas Eve party, I wasn't.

Internship with Probation

My blog from July 2011 titled "Interviews" was about my interview experiences in finding an internship in Western NY. I decided to work with probation department since it would help me further in the career path of correctional services. I started my first day at probation in early September until November. Without regrets, the job with probation was the best experience I could asked for.

My mentor was a huge factor in me gaining this experience with probation. She is an amazing mentor because she stressed over me getting every possible experience of probation by learning about everything. She made sure that I didn't miss out on anything which I sure did learn a lot. Of the experiences that I gained from the internship at probation, my mentor inspired me to seek a full time job position as a probation officer in the area where I currently am living in.

What's irony about me actively seeking a probation officer position is the fact that before & even during my internship with probation, I didn't want to work for probation in the future. So I thought. I didn't realize that I'd be inspired and learning so much about probation department. This is what I want to do. It has both aspects of criminal justice and helping others. Probation officers are very under appreciated, but I saw the passion from some probation officers to continue helping others. That's what I plan to do. I know that I do have that same passion to help others, I always have. The internship helped me to see that even more.

It was very difficult for me to leave the internship because I gained so much confidence, knowledge & learning about myself and what probation was all about. I enjoyed the environment there, most people I came across were friendly, and I was very comfortable there. I would love to have a full time job at that specific probation department, but the man that I am in love with doesn't live in Western NY. I am glad to leave the state of New York knowing more about probation, and inspiring me to job hunt for that position. Even if I do not get a job with probation department, I still hope to return to that career at some point in my life.

Some of you may be wondering about communication during my internship. As I mentioned that the interview with the probation department was conducted via paper-and-pen method. I still use that method sometimes during my internship with co-workers. I also was able to lip read my mentor (only her, not other co-workers or probationers tho) without a problem. I also had interpreters that came in most of time. They interpreted for the meetings, lectures, etc. which helped me even more to not miss out on things. I am very grateful for the interpreters. I was surprised to find myself so comfortable in this environment as the only deaf person enough to want to work with the probation department for rest of my life. I am glad that I was that comfortable enough there which gives me hope to find that comfortableness again in my future job.

10th anniversary of 9/11/01

"You can't break my back and you can't keep me down cause I believe that freedom will keep me standing tall" 9/11/01

Today is September 11th, 2011 - 10 years later from the attacks in NYC, Washington D.C., and Pennsylvania. It is unbelievable how 10 years have already passed.

On this day 10 years ago, I remember that I was in 7th grade in middle school. I was suppose to have speech therapy. I had been in the room to start speech but shortly after the first plane hit the first tower - my speech therapy teacher took me to a study hall class down the hall which had a television. I sat in front row watching the TV - I remember that moment witnessing the 2nd plane hitting the tower. I'll never forget that moment. There were too many shock from the people in the room, even the news media crew who were filming it. You know how news are usually scripted or at least prepared? That was first time I didn't see news being prepared. They were expressing whatever was on their thoughts which made it scary. I knew something was up, but I still didn't completely understand what was going on.

Around late morning, my dad came to the school to take me home. I was excited to miss half day of school despite the situation. I got home with my Dad, we sat in the living room with TV on again. I still didn't get it and I was getting frustrated. I started to think this was nothing. It seemed too unrealistic to really be happening too. It seemed like it belonged in a movie. I questioned my dad what was going on. He explained about the terrorists. I still didn't get it because I never imagine that anyone could be that cold heart to do this. I still learned more over the time & had a better understanding of what had occurred on 9/11.

The day after 9/11 was even more sadder when they publish all the pictures behind the scenes. The media also was showing news crew walking around the affected areas, showing the realistic of it. I'll never forget seeing so many pictures, seeing the aftermath via news, & hearing stories of people who lost their loved ones. Many people went missing, I remember a huge site was created with family members leaving pictures of people who had been missing. I couldn't imagine having a family member to be involved to not come home at the end of the day. It was so surreal. I realized that our country forever was changed that day from the attacks.

I remember that people started to appreciate their loved ones in their lives after 9/11 because it had made many people realize that they never can know when they will lose their loved ones. I feel that the country around that time got very close, and more together like an unit. Many emergency personnel came from all over the country to these attacked sites to help clean up & look for the missing. That showed a huge bond when we all came together to help. For a while after 9/11, the country shared a bond where we remained together standing together and loving each other even more.

10 years later, many changes have been made in the country because of the attacks. Airports aren't the same. More security are present everywhere. It's not the same to be able to bring certain items to certain places. 9/11 have made us paranoid, but it is good in a way to prevent any more attacks. While it's been 10 years - I feel that the bond had fell overtime but in our hearts we still hold onto the day of 9/11/01. These people who experienced that day will forever remember it. We did became stronger because of it & forever will be.

A special thank you to all emergency personnel who ran in while everyone else were running away. A special thank you to all emergency personnel who traveled to NYC, Washington D.C., and PA to help out. You all are forever heroes.

9/11/01 <3

Deaf Identity

In the deaf community, there are many deaf identities for people to label themselves with. I just only learned about these identities in my 3rd year of college. I had finally started my concentration/minor which was Deaf Cultural Studies. I took a course in Spring 2009 called "Diversity in Deaf Community". I was one of the very first (lucky) student to enroll in that new course.

Going in that course with expectations of learning about deaf cultures only brought me even more information about the deaf community that I hadn't been aware of before. The whole quarter that I was in that course, I often found myself analyzing my identity and my role with the deaf community.

Many of identities had varied from being very involved in the deaf community, being comfortable with being deaf, in the middle of both hearing and deaf world, "hearing" - deaf (oral), etc. There was so many identities which shocked me and even raised that question of which one am I? It was overwhelming to learn about identities and more aspects of the deaf community that it again drove me away for a while. I reconsidered minoring in deaf cultural studies, thinking that I'd like to minor in politics. I didn't want to be surrounded by deaf people in that course because I felt like I was alone. Many of deaf people in there had comfortably called out answers and express their opinions in sign language to our deaf professor. I was the quiet student that never called out in ANY courses.

I felt uncomfortable because I felt like many deaf students around me in that class had been comfortable with being deaf. I wasn't sure what I liked about it and what I did like about it. All of my life I never really knew where I belonged. I grew up in hearing world thinking I belonged to deaf world only to come to Rochester in first year of college to completely avoid deaf world. To this day, I only have very few deaf friends. I do like hanging with them the most because of effective communicating and same understanding of our experiences. I don't understand why I wasn't involved in the deaf world in all years of my college only to want to be involved now after my graduation. I feel that one main reason of it had to do with fear.

This summer (2011), I bumped in three older deaf women in Westport, CT during arts & craft festival. I was surprised to see them in Westport because Westport had been a very small town. I worked up the courage to talk to them to find out about them. I immediately approached them asking "you deaf?". They all said "yes" and we got to introducing ourselves with names and where we resided. We chatted for a good hour about our life as deaf women. I shared the confusion and frustration I faced all of my life about deaf community and still experiencing a bit of it currently.

I was appealed to find that one of them had experienced the same. I had spoke about the deaf identities with them, asking if they knew what they were. Their response were "I tell people that I'm DEAF. Period." to avoid further self-confused feelings of their identity. One woman had said that she did not officially know what she was until her late 30's around age of 35. I was appealed at that. I couldn't believe that. It's been a long time of confusion, frustration, mixture of feeling, etc. with my role/identity in deaf community, so to imagine having that until the age of 35 just was too overwhelming. I definitely was feeling better to know that I wasn't the only one experiencing that feeling.

Do I have an official deaf identity? I'm quite not sure yet, but I do have to admit that I have been getting more, more, and more comfortable with myself being deaf lately. When before I wouldn't admit to strangers that I had been deaf until it was critical to now comfortably inform people that I am deaf. I felt like I had been hiding myself all of these years with feeling shame of my deafness. To my surprise, with coming out with my deafness to people - I have been surprised by some people and it had made me wonder if I missed this all of those years.

What surprises? When I go to the stores or places, I am often faced with hearing employees who would often sign "thank you" or simple word to me. One time I went to Krispy Kreme at Mohegan Sun Casino, the female cashier had signed the whole conversation in ASL. I had began to wonder if I had missed all of this by overlooking it and hiding who I was. I do feel that there is more deaf awareness now lately with Marlee Martin's role on The Apprentice TV show & Dancing with Stars and the newest TV show on ABC Family called Switched at Birth. The deafness have started to be out in the open where million of people are seeing or hearing about it. I am very thrilled about that & am hoping for continue awareness of deaf for the future.

With feeling more comfortable to express that I am deaf, I still am not passion about being deaf. I do not sign often in the public as I am shy to have people stare at me. Once in while I do would want to show off sign language. It all depends on what I'm feeling like at the moment about myself. I do not let the difficulties in public get to me as much as it used to. I would go off bad-talking about rude people or something that hearing people did to me when now I just ignore it. I just would walk away from these kind situations when before I would let people make me feel lower than dirt for being deaf.

It also motivates me when I see other deaf people in Rochester (and anywhere else) that are comfortable with who they are & seeing how happy they are among themselves. I see them every where signing insanely with passion, don't care if anyone's watching them, ignore those rude people, etc. They just seem to be careless about what's going on around them. I hope to experience that some day.

I also hope some day I'll be able to pin point my deaf identity.

Interviews

Hello readers. I was MIA for the whole month of June. I apologize. I have moved out to the state of Connecticut only for the summer. I had to explore what the area had to offer. I've definitely learned a lot about the area and more about what I want for my future.

I thought about the interviews I had back in May in Western NYS. I've never had an official interview ever in my whole life, so I was quite nervous because it's the time where I'll be facing quite several of interviews with my new chapter in life. Last May, I was lucky to line up two interviews in one day (maybe it was a bad idea?) with two places to start working in the fall.

First place had been a non profit organization focused on advocating for deaf victims. Let me tell you, my first impression about the organization was that I would be likely to work with this organization since the staff were all deaf. The idea of working in a place where everyone used sign language seemed appealing to me without having to face frustration with the deafness. It definitely was much easy to conduct an interview in pure sign language without the hassle of getting interpreters and facing the awkwardness/uncertainty with hearing people. I had thought I knew that I want to work in all deaf environment. Boy, was I wrong with that thought. I left this interview with feeling of hesitant and uncertainty. I just didn't feel like it was best place for me, it didn't bring out my passion for what I wanted to do.

Second place is completely different from the small organization which was full staffed with only deaf people. This place was reality (hearing world). The place was a division office of criminal justice system. I went in there without an interpreter (last minute, couldn't get one) so I was a nerve wreck. The person who interviewed me was very laid back, very nice, and very flexible on communicating. We communicated via paper & pen. After discussing what the job would consist of, I decided on the spot that this would be the job to take. We decided at end of our discussion that I will start in early September. Wait?! Why did I decided to take this one over the job in a deaf environment? I had felt more comfortable with this job & I felt the excitement and passion as we discussed the job.

This came as a surprise to me too. I came out of the building (second place) to the car where my mom had waited for me (she traveled with me to keep company), and I said "Mom, I'm working here". She looked at me surprised and then laughed. Before this day began, I was advised to not accept offers on the spot and to think about it for 1-2 days to make the right choice. In this situation, I felt strongly in my heart that I wanted the position. Some of you may remember my previous blog about the career choices - as this position would help me further in the path I think that I want which was another reason why I felt strongly to take that job over the small organization.

I am glad I still had the experience to sit down for an interview with the small organization and hear about the organization. It is very interesting organization that had a mixture of criminal justice and psychology which I once considered wanting in my career within the criminal justice system. I still have the passion to help people in C.J. system so I'm hoping to explore that further.

It was interesting to see two very different type of interviews in the same day. One with deaf staff of the organization conducted in ASL & the other one done via paper & pen. I'm glad to have this experience to help me prepare better for further interviews in both worlds.

I'm already following my heart in what I want to do by taking the job that I felt the most excited and passion for. I'm looking very much forward to fall to start the job. :)