In the deaf community, there are many deaf identities for people to label themselves with. I just only learned about these identities in my 3rd year of college. I had finally started my concentration/minor which was Deaf Cultural Studies. I took a course in Spring 2009 called "Diversity in Deaf Community". I was one of the very first (lucky) student to enroll in that new course.
Going in that course with expectations of learning about deaf cultures only brought me even more information about the deaf community that I hadn't been aware of before. The whole quarter that I was in that course, I often found myself analyzing my identity and my role with the deaf community.
Many of identities had varied from being very involved in the deaf community, being comfortable with being deaf, in the middle of both hearing and deaf world, "hearing" - deaf (oral), etc. There was so many identities which shocked me and even raised that question of which one am I? It was overwhelming to learn about identities and more aspects of the deaf community that it again drove me away for a while. I reconsidered minoring in deaf cultural studies, thinking that I'd like to minor in politics. I didn't want to be surrounded by deaf people in that course because I felt like I was alone. Many of deaf people in there had comfortably called out answers and express their opinions in sign language to our deaf professor. I was the quiet student that never called out in ANY courses.
I felt uncomfortable because I felt like many deaf students around me in that class had been comfortable with being deaf. I wasn't sure what I liked about it and what I did like about it. All of my life I never really knew where I belonged. I grew up in hearing world thinking I belonged to deaf world only to come to Rochester in first year of college to completely avoid deaf world. To this day, I only have very few deaf friends. I do like hanging with them the most because of effective communicating and same understanding of our experiences. I don't understand why I wasn't involved in the deaf world in all years of my college only to want to be involved now after my graduation. I feel that one main reason of it had to do with fear.
This summer (2011), I bumped in three older deaf women in Westport, CT during arts & craft festival. I was surprised to see them in Westport because Westport had been a very small town. I worked up the courage to talk to them to find out about them. I immediately approached them asking "you deaf?". They all said "yes" and we got to introducing ourselves with names and where we resided. We chatted for a good hour about our life as deaf women. I shared the confusion and frustration I faced all of my life about deaf community and still experiencing a bit of it currently.
I was appealed to find that one of them had experienced the same. I had spoke about the deaf identities with them, asking if they knew what they were. Their response were "I tell people that I'm DEAF. Period." to avoid further self-confused feelings of their identity. One woman had said that she did not officially know what she was until her late 30's around age of 35. I was appealed at that. I couldn't believe that. It's been a long time of confusion, frustration, mixture of feeling, etc. with my role/identity in deaf community, so to imagine having that until the age of 35 just was too overwhelming. I definitely was feeling better to know that I wasn't the only one experiencing that feeling.
Do I have an official deaf identity? I'm quite not sure yet, but I do have to admit that I have been getting more, more, and more comfortable with myself being deaf lately. When before I wouldn't admit to strangers that I had been deaf until it was critical to now comfortably inform people that I am deaf. I felt like I had been hiding myself all of these years with feeling shame of my deafness. To my surprise, with coming out with my deafness to people - I have been surprised by some people and it had made me wonder if I missed this all of those years.
What surprises? When I go to the stores or places, I am often faced with hearing employees who would often sign "thank you" or simple word to me. One time I went to Krispy Kreme at Mohegan Sun Casino, the female cashier had signed the whole conversation in ASL. I had began to wonder if I had missed all of this by overlooking it and hiding who I was. I do feel that there is more deaf awareness now lately with Marlee Martin's role on The Apprentice TV show & Dancing with Stars and the newest TV show on ABC Family called Switched at Birth. The deafness have started to be out in the open where million of people are seeing or hearing about it. I am very thrilled about that & am hoping for continue awareness of deaf for the future.
With feeling more comfortable to express that I am deaf, I still am not passion about being deaf. I do not sign often in the public as I am shy to have people stare at me. Once in while I do would want to show off sign language. It all depends on what I'm feeling like at the moment about myself. I do not let the difficulties in public get to me as much as it used to. I would go off bad-talking about rude people or something that hearing people did to me when now I just ignore it. I just would walk away from these kind situations when before I would let people make me feel lower than dirt for being deaf.
It also motivates me when I see other deaf people in Rochester (and anywhere else) that are comfortable with who they are & seeing how happy they are among themselves. I see them every where signing insanely with passion, don't care if anyone's watching them, ignore those rude people, etc. They just seem to be careless about what's going on around them. I hope to experience that some day.
I also hope some day I'll be able to pin point my deaf identity.
25.7.11
22.7.11
Interviews
Hello readers. I was MIA for the whole month of June. I apologize. I have moved out to the state of Connecticut only for the summer. I had to explore what the area had to offer. I've definitely learned a lot about the area and more about what I want for my future.
I thought about the interviews I had back in May in Western NYS. I've never had an official interview ever in my whole life, so I was quite nervous because it's the time where I'll be facing quite several of interviews with my new chapter in life. Last May, I was lucky to line up two interviews in one day (maybe it was a bad idea?) with two places to start working in the fall.
First place had been a non profit organization focused on advocating for deaf victims. Let me tell you, my first impression about the organization was that I would be likely to work with this organization since the staff were all deaf. The idea of working in a place where everyone used sign language seemed appealing to me without having to face frustration with the deafness. It definitely was much easy to conduct an interview in pure sign language without the hassle of getting interpreters and facing the awkwardness/uncertainty with hearing people. I had thought I knew that I want to work in all deaf environment. Boy, was I wrong with that thought. I left this interview with feeling of hesitant and uncertainty. I just didn't feel like it was best place for me, it didn't bring out my passion for what I wanted to do.
Second place is completely different from the small organization which was full staffed with only deaf people. This place was reality (hearing world). The place was a division office of criminal justice system. I went in there without an interpreter (last minute, couldn't get one) so I was a nerve wreck. The person who interviewed me was very laid back, very nice, and very flexible on communicating. We communicated via paper & pen. After discussing what the job would consist of, I decided on the spot that this would be the job to take. We decided at end of our discussion that I will start in early September. Wait?! Why did I decided to take this one over the job in a deaf environment? I had felt more comfortable with this job & I felt the excitement and passion as we discussed the job.
This came as a surprise to me too. I came out of the building (second place) to the car where my mom had waited for me (she traveled with me to keep company), and I said "Mom, I'm working here". She looked at me surprised and then laughed. Before this day began, I was advised to not accept offers on the spot and to think about it for 1-2 days to make the right choice. In this situation, I felt strongly in my heart that I wanted the position. Some of you may remember my previous blog about the career choices - as this position would help me further in the path I think that I want which was another reason why I felt strongly to take that job over the small organization.
I am glad I still had the experience to sit down for an interview with the small organization and hear about the organization. It is very interesting organization that had a mixture of criminal justice and psychology which I once considered wanting in my career within the criminal justice system. I still have the passion to help people in C.J. system so I'm hoping to explore that further.
It was interesting to see two very different type of interviews in the same day. One with deaf staff of the organization conducted in ASL & the other one done via paper & pen. I'm glad to have this experience to help me prepare better for further interviews in both worlds.
I'm already following my heart in what I want to do by taking the job that I felt the most excited and passion for. I'm looking very much forward to fall to start the job. :)
I thought about the interviews I had back in May in Western NYS. I've never had an official interview ever in my whole life, so I was quite nervous because it's the time where I'll be facing quite several of interviews with my new chapter in life. Last May, I was lucky to line up two interviews in one day (maybe it was a bad idea?) with two places to start working in the fall.
First place had been a non profit organization focused on advocating for deaf victims. Let me tell you, my first impression about the organization was that I would be likely to work with this organization since the staff were all deaf. The idea of working in a place where everyone used sign language seemed appealing to me without having to face frustration with the deafness. It definitely was much easy to conduct an interview in pure sign language without the hassle of getting interpreters and facing the awkwardness/uncertainty with hearing people. I had thought I knew that I want to work in all deaf environment. Boy, was I wrong with that thought. I left this interview with feeling of hesitant and uncertainty. I just didn't feel like it was best place for me, it didn't bring out my passion for what I wanted to do.
Second place is completely different from the small organization which was full staffed with only deaf people. This place was reality (hearing world). The place was a division office of criminal justice system. I went in there without an interpreter (last minute, couldn't get one) so I was a nerve wreck. The person who interviewed me was very laid back, very nice, and very flexible on communicating. We communicated via paper & pen. After discussing what the job would consist of, I decided on the spot that this would be the job to take. We decided at end of our discussion that I will start in early September. Wait?! Why did I decided to take this one over the job in a deaf environment? I had felt more comfortable with this job & I felt the excitement and passion as we discussed the job.
This came as a surprise to me too. I came out of the building (second place) to the car where my mom had waited for me (she traveled with me to keep company), and I said "Mom, I'm working here". She looked at me surprised and then laughed. Before this day began, I was advised to not accept offers on the spot and to think about it for 1-2 days to make the right choice. In this situation, I felt strongly in my heart that I wanted the position. Some of you may remember my previous blog about the career choices - as this position would help me further in the path I think that I want which was another reason why I felt strongly to take that job over the small organization.
I am glad I still had the experience to sit down for an interview with the small organization and hear about the organization. It is very interesting organization that had a mixture of criminal justice and psychology which I once considered wanting in my career within the criminal justice system. I still have the passion to help people in C.J. system so I'm hoping to explore that further.
It was interesting to see two very different type of interviews in the same day. One with deaf staff of the organization conducted in ASL & the other one done via paper & pen. I'm glad to have this experience to help me prepare better for further interviews in both worlds.
I'm already following my heart in what I want to do by taking the job that I felt the most excited and passion for. I'm looking very much forward to fall to start the job. :)
4.5.11
RIT Graduation
Excerpt from 9.8.2010 blog:
"I am officially done with my first days of classes for my undergrad college years ever. It's an awesome feeling. Even better when I will be at that point when I'm 5 weeks away from graduation in May."
Oh boy. How could I have wrote that? In the past month, it honestly have been the most stressful time ever. Many decisions that I have to make in a short time. I was stressing so much over post graduation plans. Realizing that I'm spending most of the time stressing isn't worth it to end the year. I cannot say how much stressful senior year is compared to freshman year. Senior year is the worst stress wise. I do feel excited for graduation but at same time I've been very afraid what the future will bring me. I feel like I am going in the world blind without experiences I didn't get to experience.
I am struggling with post graduation plans, whether to find a job or attend graduate school or law school. Decisions that may cost me money. I can't find everything that I have strong passion for (job) at the same graduate school/law school. I don't want to apply to these schools because it cost me money and what if I change my mind after graduation? That master's degree would be wasted. Yet, at same time I just want to start working - no more school! However, I'm not sure how more challenge I would have to face with my deafness in finding jobs than it would be if I had a master's degree?
Of course, most of my fears has to do with my deafness. I am afraid that I won't be able to find a good quality job because some people will be ignorant and not hire me. Will I experience that again like I did in high school? I applied to 33 places in beginning of my senior year of high school and NO call-backs at all. I went to all of those places in person and had met most of managers/supervisors then, so I can't help to think it's just weird that I just didn't get a callback (My e-mail address was on the resume so it's not like they could use the excuse of "well how do I call a deaf person?"!).
I also still am analyzing what I want to do with my future career/job. I have too many passion within the criminal justice system. I still feel the most passion with the corrections system, but I feel that I do not know enough about what's available in the system as of jobs. It's difficult to find employees of D.O.C. that aren't biased. It's sad because I have so many D.O.C. employees that I know in upstate NY & especially living near two maximum security correctional facilities. It's still difficult to approach those because they're all either a relative or friend of mine which they'll all try to turn me away from D.O.C. which doesn't help me in any ways.
Meanwhile, I am still holding on my old dream of helping deaf individuals like myself growing up in an isolated community without any or few deaf people. I was only one my age when I grew up in my area and it was difficult to rely on anyone that could fully understand me. I also needed that inspiration of seeing that deaf people could be successful because some hearing people in the area had doubts about my ability. Some people didn't believe that I would make it far in life, so it was difficult to have that bury on me without help from fellow deaf members who had succeed in life.
Coming to RIT allowed me to see the abilities of deaf people in our world - I still get amazed even through at this point I have heard many many many success stories. I still am amazed. I want to be one of those people. Recently a group of deaf kids ranging in age of 8-14 from Upstate NY region near my hometown came to RIT for science fair. I had met up with them since I knew one deaf kid (in the group) which I adore! The teacher who had brought them up to RIT had told me that they were shocked to find out that there were deaf kids their age near by, in which many new friendships had developed. I was thinking in my head the whole time how jealous I was of them. I may knew some deaf people that were near or exactly my age during my childhood but they never were in my hometown long enough since many went away to deaf institutes after elementary school.
I still have the passion to help the deaf individuals who are isolated from the deaf community because I wanted that for myself. It's difficult to decide which path to take because I have such a strong passion for helping fellow deaf individuals and the criminal justice system.
I'm glad I have some time left... I am walking in the commencement for graduation in two weeks but I am not completed with the course requirements in which I will be completing in 2011-2012. I also have the summer of relaxation which will hopefully give me better ideas of what I want to do with my life.
"I am officially done with my first days of classes for my undergrad college years ever. It's an awesome feeling. Even better when I will be at that point when I'm 5 weeks away from graduation in May."
Oh boy. How could I have wrote that? In the past month, it honestly have been the most stressful time ever. Many decisions that I have to make in a short time. I was stressing so much over post graduation plans. Realizing that I'm spending most of the time stressing isn't worth it to end the year. I cannot say how much stressful senior year is compared to freshman year. Senior year is the worst stress wise. I do feel excited for graduation but at same time I've been very afraid what the future will bring me. I feel like I am going in the world blind without experiences I didn't get to experience.
I am struggling with post graduation plans, whether to find a job or attend graduate school or law school. Decisions that may cost me money. I can't find everything that I have strong passion for (job) at the same graduate school/law school. I don't want to apply to these schools because it cost me money and what if I change my mind after graduation? That master's degree would be wasted. Yet, at same time I just want to start working - no more school! However, I'm not sure how more challenge I would have to face with my deafness in finding jobs than it would be if I had a master's degree?
Of course, most of my fears has to do with my deafness. I am afraid that I won't be able to find a good quality job because some people will be ignorant and not hire me. Will I experience that again like I did in high school? I applied to 33 places in beginning of my senior year of high school and NO call-backs at all. I went to all of those places in person and had met most of managers/supervisors then, so I can't help to think it's just weird that I just didn't get a callback (My e-mail address was on the resume so it's not like they could use the excuse of "well how do I call a deaf person?"!).
I also still am analyzing what I want to do with my future career/job. I have too many passion within the criminal justice system. I still feel the most passion with the corrections system, but I feel that I do not know enough about what's available in the system as of jobs. It's difficult to find employees of D.O.C. that aren't biased. It's sad because I have so many D.O.C. employees that I know in upstate NY & especially living near two maximum security correctional facilities. It's still difficult to approach those because they're all either a relative or friend of mine which they'll all try to turn me away from D.O.C. which doesn't help me in any ways.
Meanwhile, I am still holding on my old dream of helping deaf individuals like myself growing up in an isolated community without any or few deaf people. I was only one my age when I grew up in my area and it was difficult to rely on anyone that could fully understand me. I also needed that inspiration of seeing that deaf people could be successful because some hearing people in the area had doubts about my ability. Some people didn't believe that I would make it far in life, so it was difficult to have that bury on me without help from fellow deaf members who had succeed in life.
Coming to RIT allowed me to see the abilities of deaf people in our world - I still get amazed even through at this point I have heard many many many success stories. I still am amazed. I want to be one of those people. Recently a group of deaf kids ranging in age of 8-14 from Upstate NY region near my hometown came to RIT for science fair. I had met up with them since I knew one deaf kid (in the group) which I adore! The teacher who had brought them up to RIT had told me that they were shocked to find out that there were deaf kids their age near by, in which many new friendships had developed. I was thinking in my head the whole time how jealous I was of them. I may knew some deaf people that were near or exactly my age during my childhood but they never were in my hometown long enough since many went away to deaf institutes after elementary school.
I still have the passion to help the deaf individuals who are isolated from the deaf community because I wanted that for myself. It's difficult to decide which path to take because I have such a strong passion for helping fellow deaf individuals and the criminal justice system.
I'm glad I have some time left... I am walking in the commencement for graduation in two weeks but I am not completed with the course requirements in which I will be completing in 2011-2012. I also have the summer of relaxation which will hopefully give me better ideas of what I want to do with my life.
24.3.11
Officers' Academy 2011
As I mentioned in July 2010 blog - I am a sister of TriSigma at RIT. Also I had a wonderful opportunity to be the President for recent academic term - Winter 2010/2011 - which gave me the opportunity to attend Officers' Academy in Indiana, PA. I went with the Vice President, Recruitment Director, and Education Director. We left Rochester on Friday night making it to Indiana by 7pm in time for registration.
I had no idea what to expect and I was really nervous about the fact that many other chapters from other colleges will be there. I usually don't like large crowds so I was little paranoid about that. I immediately met a TriSigma sister at registration table who had apparently attend the same graduate school as my 'big' sister. She was a sweet person and it was interesting to meet someone who knew me from my big sister! The night was filled with welcoming everyone from all over Northeast (PA, NY, OH, VA, West VA, etc.) to the Officers' Academy.
The purpose of Officers' Academy had been to focus on our specific positions and its tasks it consisted of. This academy allowed improvement in my role as President with many new things I learned, even picked up some ideas from other chapters. It was a fantastic experience. The thing about Officers' Academy is that I won't forget that strong sisterhood bond that is existing out there with TriSigma. I don't only have my sisters in Epsilon Psi chapter at RIT, but millions of TriSigma sisters in the United States. I realized that we weren't alone. There was many support there at the Officers' Academy to make each other grow even more as women and as a woman of TriSigma.
The academy had divided girls up in groups in which we had to act out a broadcasting of advertising what made a TriSigma woman. I will never forget the group that my chapter's Vice President and Education Director were involved in for this skit. That group really showed what EXACTLY sisterhood is about. EACH of the sister in their group had said a word (characteristics of TriSigma women) while they SIGNED it. It was just amazing to see that and it truly touched my heart. My chapter e-board had been the only deaf (minus Recruitment director who is hearing) so we were definitely standing out at the academy with our signings and interpreters. I felt that was exact proof of sisterhood because that group had consisted two deaf members in which they included them with adding in sign language. They weren't left out.
Regardless of the deafness, I still felt that I fit in there with all of those girls who are my sisters. I will never forget that experience at Officers' Academy as well meeting many fantastic girls from other chapters! The academy truly inspired me to continue my role as a sister for TriSigma until the day I die.
My 'big' sister also is a huge inspiration. I thought of her during the whole Officers' Academy because she graduated from our TriSigma chapter at RIT but still participates in TriSigma as an alumni. She is a membership recruitment advisor for a chapter nearby where she currently lives. We made a promise to TriSigma and I'm going to keep that promise to fulfill my duties as a sister of TriSigma.
As we ended Officer's Academy - I shared my statement with everyone which was this: "I promise to cherish the uniqueness of my chapter at RIT". I am truly fortunate to meet many wonderful sisters of Epsilon Psi at RIT which definitely made the chapter unique. This experience from freshman year to now (senior year) have made me a better and stronger woman than the woman I was when I entered Epsilon Psi chapter. I never will forget one of my major best experiences at RIT - TriSigma sorority.
"Strangers We Enter;
Friends We Become;
Sisters We Remain"
Sigma Sigma Sigma <3
I had no idea what to expect and I was really nervous about the fact that many other chapters from other colleges will be there. I usually don't like large crowds so I was little paranoid about that. I immediately met a TriSigma sister at registration table who had apparently attend the same graduate school as my 'big' sister. She was a sweet person and it was interesting to meet someone who knew me from my big sister! The night was filled with welcoming everyone from all over Northeast (PA, NY, OH, VA, West VA, etc.) to the Officers' Academy.
The purpose of Officers' Academy had been to focus on our specific positions and its tasks it consisted of. This academy allowed improvement in my role as President with many new things I learned, even picked up some ideas from other chapters. It was a fantastic experience. The thing about Officers' Academy is that I won't forget that strong sisterhood bond that is existing out there with TriSigma. I don't only have my sisters in Epsilon Psi chapter at RIT, but millions of TriSigma sisters in the United States. I realized that we weren't alone. There was many support there at the Officers' Academy to make each other grow even more as women and as a woman of TriSigma.
The academy had divided girls up in groups in which we had to act out a broadcasting of advertising what made a TriSigma woman. I will never forget the group that my chapter's Vice President and Education Director were involved in for this skit. That group really showed what EXACTLY sisterhood is about. EACH of the sister in their group had said a word (characteristics of TriSigma women) while they SIGNED it. It was just amazing to see that and it truly touched my heart. My chapter e-board had been the only deaf (minus Recruitment director who is hearing) so we were definitely standing out at the academy with our signings and interpreters. I felt that was exact proof of sisterhood because that group had consisted two deaf members in which they included them with adding in sign language. They weren't left out.
Regardless of the deafness, I still felt that I fit in there with all of those girls who are my sisters. I will never forget that experience at Officers' Academy as well meeting many fantastic girls from other chapters! The academy truly inspired me to continue my role as a sister for TriSigma until the day I die.
My 'big' sister also is a huge inspiration. I thought of her during the whole Officers' Academy because she graduated from our TriSigma chapter at RIT but still participates in TriSigma as an alumni. She is a membership recruitment advisor for a chapter nearby where she currently lives. We made a promise to TriSigma and I'm going to keep that promise to fulfill my duties as a sister of TriSigma.
As we ended Officer's Academy - I shared my statement with everyone which was this: "I promise to cherish the uniqueness of my chapter at RIT". I am truly fortunate to meet many wonderful sisters of Epsilon Psi at RIT which definitely made the chapter unique. This experience from freshman year to now (senior year) have made me a better and stronger woman than the woman I was when I entered Epsilon Psi chapter. I never will forget one of my major best experiences at RIT - TriSigma sorority.
"Strangers We Enter;
Friends We Become;
Sisters We Remain"
Sigma Sigma Sigma <3
22.2.11
Criminal Justice System
Welcome to my first blog of 2011. I apologize that I have been occupied for last few months. It had hit me hard with graduation nearing & not knowing 100% of my post graduation plans. I have too many passions within criminal justice system. I could go whole day talking about organized crimes, drugs, money related crimes, law enforcement, corrections system, and the court system. How was I suppose to chose one without making a mistake?
I have realized that I have regrets again from my years in college, just like high school. It never will go away with regrets. I have a huge fear of not knowing what I wanted to do post graduation at RIT. I don't want to make another regret of choosing wrong profession. I want to be happy and pick the right job.
With attending RIT, I am very fortunate of what I gained from the criminal justice department. The CJ department at RIT is fantastic with many opportunities for everyone to explore specific fields of criminal justice. The elective criminal justice classes are varied with topics that are focused on law enforcement, courts, corrections, security, and computer crime. This allowed me to see what I really had strong passion for within criminal justice system.
I have took many courts and law enforcement related criminal justice elective classes. The law enforcement courses focused on policing. I have huge respect for the law enforcement, but I realized that I wouldn't be happy in that field with many limitations on my deafness. This allowed me to realize this now before it was too late & get good experience from having professors who were actual police officers for Monroe County. I have met many great men that I will remember for a while with giving me a wonderful experience with their classes. The courts courses gave me the same wonderful experience. It allowed me to have field trips to the courts at Hall of Justice in Rochester, NY. I have watched the procedures at the drugs court, family court, and criminal courts. Recently, I visited the Appellate Court (4th Division for Western NY/central upstate NY). I also have met many people who worked in this system who were fantastic people whom helped me to find myself. I had strong interests in the court system & began to consider law school last summer. However exploring further in this, I realized that there was something missing.
This year I also had the honors of bringing a club back to RIT with several other students that I met in my criminal justice classes. We all became the e-board members for Criminal Justice Students Association. I am very glad that I made the decision to be involved with CJSA. It has brought a HUGE opportunity that I never thought would change me so much. We had the opportunity of a visit to maximum security correctional facility. I never thought how much could change in a day. The whole senior year from September 2010 to now, I had been miserable with not knowing what my niche was in criminal justice system. It had affected me with my happiness & caused me to be closed-off from the people I cared the most.
The visit to the correctional facility had made me realize that was my niche. I gained so much from the visit with new knowledge of what corrections system consisted of. I have never felt happier that my specific interests of criminal justice is finally narrowed down to corrections. Without CJSA, I cannot imagine where I would have been with figuring out my plans post graduation. The correctional guard and a counselor that I had met at the correctional facility also have helped me by giving me plenty information & showing me most of the correctional facility. At the end of the visit, I actually didn't want to leave the facility & I obsessively thought about that visit for good 4 straight days (seriously close to 24/7!). That's another sign of corrections being my niche because I have never thought so much about a visit. I have visited the courts plenty time and I always left there thinking about the case(s) then it was back to normal. I have so much motivation more than ever now to follow that goal of obtaining a job with Department of Corrections.
I have realized that I have regrets again from my years in college, just like high school. It never will go away with regrets. I have a huge fear of not knowing what I wanted to do post graduation at RIT. I don't want to make another regret of choosing wrong profession. I want to be happy and pick the right job.
With attending RIT, I am very fortunate of what I gained from the criminal justice department. The CJ department at RIT is fantastic with many opportunities for everyone to explore specific fields of criminal justice. The elective criminal justice classes are varied with topics that are focused on law enforcement, courts, corrections, security, and computer crime. This allowed me to see what I really had strong passion for within criminal justice system.
I have took many courts and law enforcement related criminal justice elective classes. The law enforcement courses focused on policing. I have huge respect for the law enforcement, but I realized that I wouldn't be happy in that field with many limitations on my deafness. This allowed me to realize this now before it was too late & get good experience from having professors who were actual police officers for Monroe County. I have met many great men that I will remember for a while with giving me a wonderful experience with their classes. The courts courses gave me the same wonderful experience. It allowed me to have field trips to the courts at Hall of Justice in Rochester, NY. I have watched the procedures at the drugs court, family court, and criminal courts. Recently, I visited the Appellate Court (4th Division for Western NY/central upstate NY). I also have met many people who worked in this system who were fantastic people whom helped me to find myself. I had strong interests in the court system & began to consider law school last summer. However exploring further in this, I realized that there was something missing.
This year I also had the honors of bringing a club back to RIT with several other students that I met in my criminal justice classes. We all became the e-board members for Criminal Justice Students Association. I am very glad that I made the decision to be involved with CJSA. It has brought a HUGE opportunity that I never thought would change me so much. We had the opportunity of a visit to maximum security correctional facility. I never thought how much could change in a day. The whole senior year from September 2010 to now, I had been miserable with not knowing what my niche was in criminal justice system. It had affected me with my happiness & caused me to be closed-off from the people I cared the most.
The visit to the correctional facility had made me realize that was my niche. I gained so much from the visit with new knowledge of what corrections system consisted of. I have never felt happier that my specific interests of criminal justice is finally narrowed down to corrections. Without CJSA, I cannot imagine where I would have been with figuring out my plans post graduation. The correctional guard and a counselor that I had met at the correctional facility also have helped me by giving me plenty information & showing me most of the correctional facility. At the end of the visit, I actually didn't want to leave the facility & I obsessively thought about that visit for good 4 straight days (seriously close to 24/7!). That's another sign of corrections being my niche because I have never thought so much about a visit. I have visited the courts plenty time and I always left there thinking about the case(s) then it was back to normal. I have so much motivation more than ever now to follow that goal of obtaining a job with Department of Corrections.
20.12.10
How to interact with deaf people?
Today I went to the post office to mail something out. I went up to the clerk to purchase stamp only to be faced with awkwardness with interacting with me. I spoke to her, "I want to buy stamp" while pointing to the stamp area on the envelope. The clerk brought out stamps and all of that, only to ask me a question. I asked her to repeat - in which she started noticing my accent. She looked at me like puzzled and I said, "Can you write, I'm deaf" while gesturing writing-on-paper motion. She just stared at me more. I started to get boiling mad because of that look which makes me feel inferior and a foreigner in my own country. I said again, "I'm deaf". She shrugged her shoulders, which implied that she didn't know how to interact with me. I motioned again to write on a paper. She didn't barge. I looked around for something on the counter in which I just found a paper with space that I could write onto. I wrote, "I'm deaf. What was your question" and gave it to her. She looked amazed at what I just did. She wrote back in response, "Do you want to buy insurance" in which I replied by shaking my head 'no'. The rest of that incident was just purchasing the stamp and walk out of there.
Wow, really. Wasted like 10 minutes for that crap. I'm sick of that happening all of the time when I make it clear what to do every time that awkwardness occurs. It's common sense what I was asking her to do.
It's amazing how some people out there DO NOT know how interacts with deaf people. I understand that some people may never met deaf people in their lives but still, it's common sense to NOT treat them like aliens. I wish EVERYONE would put themselves in that person's shoes and imagine how they'd want to be treated.
Even not just the deafness, every time I have came across all types of people - if there is barrier with something - I always put myself in their shoes and imagine the best possible solution. I know that I'm one of those people that I may be more understanding to interacting with anyone.
I have came across people who don't know how to interact with me at all that I would eventually show them how to interact with me. Usually the typical first movie is the paper-and-pen or a computer screen to type back and forth on Word. After that, I expect them to know how to interact because I showed it to them. There's no excuse.
When it comes to interacting with a certain type of people, I hold high expectations for people who has sign language or deafness-related knowledge within their family. Let me explain what I mean. My mom is a teacher in autistic classroom, in which I have learned a little about autistic kids as I grew up. I may not know 100% how to interact with autistic kids but I take some of the knowledge I gained from my mother & have no fear in trying something with them. I have opened up to autistic kids over the years as I grew up to be more comfortable with them. Few years ago, I ended up getting an autistic cousin now, and I just absolutely adore him. I love trying to interact with him at family events, and I always find a way to some how play with him even if it's unsuccessful - at least I TRIED.
So what I mean, I have high expectations for people who have some knowledge of the deaf culture, have parents employed where there is deafness involved, know some sign language, etc. I hold HIGH expectations for them, period. I expect my brother to sign when he comes across deaf people at his work, in which I was told he does. I have emphasized to my brother many times that it will make their days anyways if they know there's someone who can help them in the store that knows sign language instead of finding another worker to treat them like aliens.
I don't see how it is difficult to interact with deaf people. I know that I can't judge that with being deaf myself. But honestly, I have to learn how to INTERACT with hearing people. How would that be different? I have to find resources and methods to communicate EVERY day. It irritates me when I come across hearing people that only have to interact with me for few minutes, few hours, etc. to not want to try interacting with me. I have to interact with you, hearing people EVERY DAY.
Because of this difficulties from hearing people, once in while I would give up and not bother to talk to hearing people. Why would I do all of the work? It only just makes me stressed and frustrated. Sometime when I know that I may face that kind situation, I do think about whether I'm in the mood for that. Sad, huh? I bet that hearing people don't have to think whether they're in the mood to be frustrated, stressed, feel lower than dirt, etc.
The way I see it, it's a two-way street. Both deaf people and hearing people put in the effort EQUALLY and there will be a successful interacting.
Wow, really. Wasted like 10 minutes for that crap. I'm sick of that happening all of the time when I make it clear what to do every time that awkwardness occurs. It's common sense what I was asking her to do.
It's amazing how some people out there DO NOT know how interacts with deaf people. I understand that some people may never met deaf people in their lives but still, it's common sense to NOT treat them like aliens. I wish EVERYONE would put themselves in that person's shoes and imagine how they'd want to be treated.
Even not just the deafness, every time I have came across all types of people - if there is barrier with something - I always put myself in their shoes and imagine the best possible solution. I know that I'm one of those people that I may be more understanding to interacting with anyone.
I have came across people who don't know how to interact with me at all that I would eventually show them how to interact with me. Usually the typical first movie is the paper-and-pen or a computer screen to type back and forth on Word. After that, I expect them to know how to interact because I showed it to them. There's no excuse.
When it comes to interacting with a certain type of people, I hold high expectations for people who has sign language or deafness-related knowledge within their family. Let me explain what I mean. My mom is a teacher in autistic classroom, in which I have learned a little about autistic kids as I grew up. I may not know 100% how to interact with autistic kids but I take some of the knowledge I gained from my mother & have no fear in trying something with them. I have opened up to autistic kids over the years as I grew up to be more comfortable with them. Few years ago, I ended up getting an autistic cousin now, and I just absolutely adore him. I love trying to interact with him at family events, and I always find a way to some how play with him even if it's unsuccessful - at least I TRIED.
So what I mean, I have high expectations for people who have some knowledge of the deaf culture, have parents employed where there is deafness involved, know some sign language, etc. I hold HIGH expectations for them, period. I expect my brother to sign when he comes across deaf people at his work, in which I was told he does. I have emphasized to my brother many times that it will make their days anyways if they know there's someone who can help them in the store that knows sign language instead of finding another worker to treat them like aliens.
I don't see how it is difficult to interact with deaf people. I know that I can't judge that with being deaf myself. But honestly, I have to learn how to INTERACT with hearing people. How would that be different? I have to find resources and methods to communicate EVERY day. It irritates me when I come across hearing people that only have to interact with me for few minutes, few hours, etc. to not want to try interacting with me. I have to interact with you, hearing people EVERY DAY.
Because of this difficulties from hearing people, once in while I would give up and not bother to talk to hearing people. Why would I do all of the work? It only just makes me stressed and frustrated. Sometime when I know that I may face that kind situation, I do think about whether I'm in the mood for that. Sad, huh? I bet that hearing people don't have to think whether they're in the mood to be frustrated, stressed, feel lower than dirt, etc.
The way I see it, it's a two-way street. Both deaf people and hearing people put in the effort EQUALLY and there will be a successful interacting.
14.12.10
Reversed
Long time no blogging. I apologize as I got busy with the winter quarter starting up after a wonderful Thanksgiving break in CT. I was very down in the first week from missing my boyfriend. I also got elected as the President for my sorority for this year's term (Nov 2010-Nov 2011). It's a huge honor but a huge task to take on!
Last weekend, my sorority hosted the annual holiday dinner at a sister's house. I asked my brother to come up to Rochester to be my date to the dinner since my boyfriend couldn't take the time off from work & I was already planning to see him a week later for winter break. My brother came up to Rochester. We got to the house, and approximately 80 people had been there. Last time he was around that much deaf people was... NEVER. He has experienced being in a group up to six deaf people at once, that was it. So, it was another world for him.
Later that night, when my brother and I went back home to my place. He blew up at me out of anger that I had "ignored" and "ditched" him. I had started to laugh. Why? He was expressing the exact same feelings that I experience when I'm in HIS world. I don't think he still realizes how it was reversed for both of us with me being in my world. He used the excuse that I still had him and my mom. Well, what about me? He had me there. What's the difference?
I understand his frustration, but does he? I experienced this frustration EVERY single day for 18 years in Elmira at home, at school, anywhere. He only experienced this for 4 hours... LUCKY HIM. It was definitely weird to be in reversed position with him frustrated at me for not including him in conversations, leaving him, ignoring him, etc.
How can I ever make hearing people understand what us, deaf people feel like in their world? I don't think there any other way than having them come into our deaf world ALONE among many of us, but will it REALLY effect them and make them think about it?
Last weekend, my sorority hosted the annual holiday dinner at a sister's house. I asked my brother to come up to Rochester to be my date to the dinner since my boyfriend couldn't take the time off from work & I was already planning to see him a week later for winter break. My brother came up to Rochester. We got to the house, and approximately 80 people had been there. Last time he was around that much deaf people was... NEVER. He has experienced being in a group up to six deaf people at once, that was it. So, it was another world for him.
Later that night, when my brother and I went back home to my place. He blew up at me out of anger that I had "ignored" and "ditched" him. I had started to laugh. Why? He was expressing the exact same feelings that I experience when I'm in HIS world. I don't think he still realizes how it was reversed for both of us with me being in my world. He used the excuse that I still had him and my mom. Well, what about me? He had me there. What's the difference?
I understand his frustration, but does he? I experienced this frustration EVERY single day for 18 years in Elmira at home, at school, anywhere. He only experienced this for 4 hours... LUCKY HIM. It was definitely weird to be in reversed position with him frustrated at me for not including him in conversations, leaving him, ignoring him, etc.
How can I ever make hearing people understand what us, deaf people feel like in their world? I don't think there any other way than having them come into our deaf world ALONE among many of us, but will it REALLY effect them and make them think about it?
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