On May 1st of this year, I had an interview for volunteering with the judicial system in the State of Connecticut. I have been actively seeking for a full time job in New London County area, but haven't been receiving any any job offers yet. I thought it would be good idea to volunteer for few reasons such as having something to do in my free time, network, and meet new people.
I sent an application to New London judicial system for volunteering opportunity. I got a voice mail on my cell phone from the volunteer coordinator wanting to meet for an interview, which I replied back by e-mail to discuss appointment times. We agreed on May 1st at 10am. Her office was located in the Probation building so it was weird for me to be back in the Probation department after my internship with Monroe County Probation in NY. I was hoping for a volunteering position with the Probation department because I am already familiar with Probation. I also enjoyed my internship with Monroe County Probation so much. I even applied to be a Probation Officer shortly after I moved to CT (of course, no callbacks).
On the morning of the interview, I just had a bad feeling in my guts about the interview. I didn't even want to go in the first place. I usually am very eager in going to interviews in hopes of landing a job offer. I arrived at Probation building in New London, CT. I went to the check-in desk and they had me to enter the restricted area to stand & wait for the volunteer coordinator whom I was meeting with (I really didn't mind sitting in the waiting room with other probationers).
Once the volunteer coordinator came down to grab me, we walked upstairs to her office. I was using the paper & pen method for communication (that's what I have been using on all interviews) so I had a paper with written message already ready to show her. I showed her the paper which started with the introduction of my name, told her that I am deaf and how I would like for us to write things down explaining that I WILL get overwhelmed from lip reading with all the new information. The lady looked at me with a big hesitance like it was such a hard task to write back and forth. She mentioned an interpreter. I said that it will take a while for one to show up at last minute notice (I don't think it even was possible to get one that last minute anyways which we would have to reschedule the interview which I did not want) and how I have gone without interpreters a few time at my internship with Monroe County Probation in NY.
She refused to write back to me and began to talk to me. I did my best to lip read her. She said that she was suppose to read questions off this paper that she had in her hands to me for me to answer but instead she gave me the paper itself to fill it out. It was two pages long with the common interview-type questions. I was so defeated in my self-esteem from the way she was treating me so I quickly scribbled the answers while thinking how bad I wanted to be out of there. I didn't give the the best answers because I didn't care anymore at that point. Meanwhile, she was on the phone clearly talking about me. I had no idea who she was speaking with. How did I know she was talking about me? I picked up the vibe from her facial expression which she often looked back and forth from me and looking down at her desk (nothing was there). I finished answering the questions and handed over the papers to her. She still spoke on the phone leaving me hanging there for approximately 5 minutes.
Eventually she got off the phone. She started to talk (again, refusing to write) to me about volunteering opportunities, explaining that there was only one left with the courts. She described the position which I didn't get a word of (like I clearly explained to her that I will be overwhelmed to lip read), I only caught the part that she said the position had included a fast paced and tense environment. I had to reply with only knowledge of that last piece of information. How do you do that? I was feeling so stressed. I had asked her a numerous time to repeat what she said by saying "What?". I kept writing all of my replies via paper. She would read it then talk back to me verbally.
I didn't get a word of everything she said about the position in the courts, only that it was fast paced and tense. She had concerns with my deafness that it wouldn't work. Pretty much to me she was literally saying that it wasn't possible for ME because I am deaf. She ended the interview saying that she will call the courts (I THINK?) to talk to them and see what the resolution can be. I kept trying to sell myself to her saying it IS possible for me. I explained how I have experienced the environment of being in courts from being a criminal justice major at RIT. I often attended trials at court house for court observations for SEVERAL classes. I repeated many times that I was able to do it but she kept that facial expression of uncertainty and hesitance. It just was too good to her to believe my own words that I would be able to do it.
I left the building feeling so angry with how she disrespected me by not writing back and forth as I asked. It was very stressful for me to try to grasp her words which I didn't at all. I was so disappointed because I knew leaving there that I would not hear back from them. This was perfect way for me to start networking with the judicial system as I had plans to go to law school in 2013. I even explained that to her about my plans to attend law school. I told her I wanted this.
After the interview, I had plans to go down to Mystic Aquarium to watch the first swim of a baby penguin that I spent the last 3 months watching it grow via web cam on their website. I had plenty time to get there to witness the first swim, but of course due to the nature of the interview - I was too depressed that I went straight home. I spend the rest of the morning feeling really down, tweeting "had the worst interview today. it's definitely the kind day i wish i wasn't deaf", and cried.
Nobody had the right to make me feel like it wasn't possible for me to do a position because of my deafness. It is irritating when people at job interviews ask me questions regarding my deafness because they AREN'T suppose to focus on my disability. They are suppose to focus on my ability to do the job. I am not going to let this incident to happen again anywhere else. It was first (and hopefully the only) bad interview I experienced in my life so it taught me what to do and how to handle that situation for further interviews. I was discriminated because she clearly felt that it wouldn't work for me to be in this position with the courts because of my deafness. The irony of this situation was that the volunteer coordinator lady who interviewed me was a different race from Caucasian which placed her in the minority group with me. I expected better from her, since she was in a minority group which I am sure she experienced discrimination or at least something regarding her race. A member of minority group had discriminated someone else in the minority group.
When I look for jobs or volunteering experiences, I always look for these kind places where there IS diversity. New London County Judicial system (and every court in America) definitely have diversity. My expectations of this place have been defeated. I still hope to get a job within the judicial system in the State of Connecticut so hopefully the RIGHT place will help me to achieve my dreams.
21.5.12
8.5.12
Parenting a deaf child
My boyfriend and I went shopping at the mall about 2 months ago where I ran into a new parent of a deaf child. She was employed at Gap store as she cashed out my purchase. She had noticed my boyfriend and I signing to each other so she asked me (via my boyfriend) how long I have known sign language. I found the question awkward but I replied that I am deaf so I have known it for a long time. She then explained that she has a hearing impaired son who is 9 months (at the time of the encounter). The cashier had asked us a lot questions regarding deafness, schools, sign language, etc. which I eventually picked up the vibe that she is VERY nervous about being a new parent of a deaf child.
It took me back to the memory that I had of asking my parents about their reaction to me being deaf. As a child or teen, I asked my parents how they felt when they found out that I was deaf. They had replied that they had mixed emotions such as shock, scared, even devastated. I was surprised by that answer, I didn't understand at the time why it sounded like a tragedy to have a deaf child. To me, that's like parents being devastated that the blonde hair child they have always wanted turned out to be a brown hair child. Being deaf was already the norm for me, I didn't see anything different about it.
Meeting the new parent of a deaf child immediately gave me that flashback. I had finally understood now. I saw the fear, worry, and concern in her eyes as she was talking about her son. She had no idea what to do with him regarding school, hearing aids, cochlear implants, etc. It was difficult maintaining a straight face when I wanted to cry with her. I realized that she had a huge burden on her shoulder to decide the identity of her deaf child for next 18 years (or teen years).
I have blogged about many identities that exist in the deaf world. How do new parents know what their deaf child want their identity to be? My parents didn't know what I would want to be at the age of 18 when I was a baby, but they had to make that decision of what I should have in life. It is never too late to change identity as I have seen many students at RIT that changed their identities once they got to college. Some deaf people have grew up with major confusion through out their lives as of what their identities are. I wasn't aware of identity until college, so through out my life I didn't stress about what identity I should be until I came to RIT. I had a long time of conflicting feelings about my identity during my college years, even considered cochlear implants for a long time. In my last year of college, I have accepted the identity that I originally grew up with with much more comfortableness of the deafness. I cannot imagine being in the shoes of a new parent to decide what identity to give their deaf child.
Growing up deaf is already the norm for me, but it never had occur to me about the burdens of some decisions in lives. If I give birth to a deaf child, obviously I will be prepared as I am deaf, right? Nope. I may like the identity that I have, but it doesn't mean if I give that identity to my deaf child that they will like it too. A deaf parent also have that burden of deciding what identity. In a way, I would be more prepared to raise a deaf child than hearing parents as I know what life is like as a deaf person. I can help them with exploring their identity through out their life, exposing them to deaf world, and being able to understand them on the same level when hearing parents may have never been aware of deaf world in the first place. My parents never been exposed to deaf world or deaf people before I was born. I am already exposed to deaf world so I know what it is like for my deaf child but my parents and I would have one thing in common, which is deciding that identity.
It can be a HUGE and very DIFFICULT process in making the decision. I am very proud of my parents for what they have decided for me before I had a voice. I am proud of who I am. I love me for who I am. I wouldn't be the person I am today without my parents (as well many other people in my life). Thank you, Mom & Dad.
It took me back to the memory that I had of asking my parents about their reaction to me being deaf. As a child or teen, I asked my parents how they felt when they found out that I was deaf. They had replied that they had mixed emotions such as shock, scared, even devastated. I was surprised by that answer, I didn't understand at the time why it sounded like a tragedy to have a deaf child. To me, that's like parents being devastated that the blonde hair child they have always wanted turned out to be a brown hair child. Being deaf was already the norm for me, I didn't see anything different about it.
Meeting the new parent of a deaf child immediately gave me that flashback. I had finally understood now. I saw the fear, worry, and concern in her eyes as she was talking about her son. She had no idea what to do with him regarding school, hearing aids, cochlear implants, etc. It was difficult maintaining a straight face when I wanted to cry with her. I realized that she had a huge burden on her shoulder to decide the identity of her deaf child for next 18 years (or teen years).
I have blogged about many identities that exist in the deaf world. How do new parents know what their deaf child want their identity to be? My parents didn't know what I would want to be at the age of 18 when I was a baby, but they had to make that decision of what I should have in life. It is never too late to change identity as I have seen many students at RIT that changed their identities once they got to college. Some deaf people have grew up with major confusion through out their lives as of what their identities are. I wasn't aware of identity until college, so through out my life I didn't stress about what identity I should be until I came to RIT. I had a long time of conflicting feelings about my identity during my college years, even considered cochlear implants for a long time. In my last year of college, I have accepted the identity that I originally grew up with with much more comfortableness of the deafness. I cannot imagine being in the shoes of a new parent to decide what identity to give their deaf child.
Growing up deaf is already the norm for me, but it never had occur to me about the burdens of some decisions in lives. If I give birth to a deaf child, obviously I will be prepared as I am deaf, right? Nope. I may like the identity that I have, but it doesn't mean if I give that identity to my deaf child that they will like it too. A deaf parent also have that burden of deciding what identity. In a way, I would be more prepared to raise a deaf child than hearing parents as I know what life is like as a deaf person. I can help them with exploring their identity through out their life, exposing them to deaf world, and being able to understand them on the same level when hearing parents may have never been aware of deaf world in the first place. My parents never been exposed to deaf world or deaf people before I was born. I am already exposed to deaf world so I know what it is like for my deaf child but my parents and I would have one thing in common, which is deciding that identity.
It can be a HUGE and very DIFFICULT process in making the decision. I am very proud of my parents for what they have decided for me before I had a voice. I am proud of who I am. I love me for who I am. I wouldn't be the person I am today without my parents (as well many other people in my life). Thank you, Mom & Dad.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)